Once upon a time there were two friends, Goofus and Gallant.
Both were in love with very weird people.
Gallant tried to show his love by doing the proper thing: He purchased a greeting card with a sappy message.
Goofus took the advice of HuffPost Weird News and wrote "Happy Valentine's Day" on a waterproof notepad he snuck into his lover's shower.
Gallant bought his sweetheart a boring charm bracelet while Goofus purchased a gold-plated charm necklace with a depiction of two dinosaurs having sex.
Gallant gave his lover long-stemmed roses in a tasteful vase. Goofus gave his lover a bouquet of six types of salami.
Sadly for Gallant, the love of his life broke up with him when she saw the gifts.
"You're boring and think like everyone else," she said.
On the other hand, Goofus' gal took one bite of salami and a swig of tabacco-flavored vodka and said, "I'm amazed! How did you know what I wanted?"
"Easy, I read HuffPost Weird News."
"I knew you were smart ... and weird."