Welcome to Guntopia!

Welcome to Guntopia! So glad you decided to visit. Guntopia is a wonderful place for those who understand the need to own handguns, hunting rifles, sniper rifles, Uzis, Kalashnikovs and other assorted projectile weapons.

Here in Guntopia owning a gun it is a fundamental right. Criminal record -- No problem! No identification -- No problem! Mental instability -- No problem! Illegal immigrant -- No problem! Underage -- Heck you're never too young to learn how to defend yourself with a semi-automatic. Want a sawed-off shotgun, just step right up and slap the money on the counter.

Guntopia citizens carry their guns concealed, unconcealed, wherever they want and whenever they want. Want to bring a shotgun to school -- Just do it! Going to a presidential rally -- Grab your Glock! Bring your Colt 45 6-shooter to the supermarket when you're buying an ice-cold Colt 45 6-pack!

Some commies -- I mean liberals -- say Guntopia isn't safe with all these guns. They whine that our murder rate is two to 10 times more than other wealthy countries, but I say guns don't kill, people kill, so the more guns we have the safer everyone is. So what if gun-related murders make up more than half of all murders, it wasn't the guns that did it because guns don't kill. Those wimps say if you don't have a gun you are much less likely to kill someone... I say you've never seen my lethal judo chop besides guns don't kill, people kill. They'll complain about all the assassinations and mass shootings here in Guntopia, but I say that means everyone needs to get their own pistol and be ready to fire. If some crackhead shows up at my little Johnnie's school looking to blow away some kids then my son'll pop a few caps in his *!# before that psycho gets one shot off.

That pinko pansy Michael Moore tried fooling people into thinking that outside of Guntopia some places have less guns, less crime and less murder. I say guns don't kill, people kill. Hey, I guess I said that line already but I really like the sound of it so I'll just keep repeating it until you think it means something intelligent.

Forgot to mention that our Constitution says that everyone has the right to get any gun they want, at any time they want, with no security check-ups, no background check-ups, no mental check-ups , no dental check-ups and they can carry it anywhere they want anytime they want. Some egghead might tell you the Constitution doesn't actually say this but in Guntopia we just know it's true in our guts so there's no point in bothering to read.

Say... why are you leaving Guntopia so soon?