Parenthood brings a whole host of unexpected challenges, changes and new experiences.
While every child is different, some aspects of raising kids are universal. At least that’s what the funny parents of Twitter would have us believe.
We’ve rounded up 50 “welcome to parenthood” tweets that sum up life with kids.
Welcome to parenthood. Every piece of trash in your house is now a makeshift toy that you are not allowed to throw out.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 21, 2018
Welcome to parenthood. Getting stuck in traffic for 30 minutes on your way home from a doctor's appointment is now your "me time".
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) August 10, 2018
Welcome to parenthood.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 21, 2018
Everything you own will now be sticky and broken.
Welcome to parenthood. You'll find yourself asking your spouse ridiculous questions like, "do you mind if I take a shower?"
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) May 11, 2020
Welcome to parenthood. Your coat pockets are now tiny garbage cans.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 11, 2020
Welcome to parenthood, you will now watch all your shows in 4 minute increments.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 14, 2020
Welcome to parenthood. Everyone’s hungry, just not for that.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 19, 2019
Welcome to parenthood. You now yawn in your sleep.
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) May 17, 2020
Welcome to parenthood. Your refrigerator is now a graveyard of your kids’ half-finished drinks.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 21, 2020
Welcome to parenthood.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) November 8, 2017
Earplugs, get some cause it’s loud af.
Welcome to parenthood, your kid's hungry again.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) January 29, 2018
Welcome to parenthood: You are now a kid’s fart cushion.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) November 29, 2019
Welcome to parenthood. You're awake now. Just whenever.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) May 8, 2019
Midnight: awake.
7 am: awake.
2 am: awake.
4:30am: awake.
Welcome to parenthood.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) October 8, 2017
You're never not in a rush now.
Welcome to parenthood. Did you know you have a pimple? If not, it will be pointed out to you.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 27, 2019
Welcome to parenthood.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 10, 2017
Hope you don't enjoy sitting or sleeping.
Welcome to parenthood, every activity your kid wants to do costs 1 million dollars plus pictures.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 4, 2018
Welcome to parenthood. You must be this crazy (holds arms wide open) to enter.
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) May 7, 2018
Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 24, 2020
Welcome to parenthood. https://t.co/rlaCNmjqng
— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) September 2, 2018
I love watching you turn into the person who complains about fireworks on Facebook. Welcome to parenthood, friend.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 2, 2021
Welcome to Parenthood:
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) August 22, 2018
Finishing thoughts, meals and R.E.M. cycles are a thing of the past now.
Welcome to parenthood.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) December 18, 2017
Christmas is now a shitshow.
Welcome to parenthood. There is now a balloon aimlessly floating through your house at all times.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 1, 2018
Welcome to parenthood. Your home will be filled with love, laughter, and tripping hazards.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 23, 2019
Welcome to parenthood.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 12, 2020
Hope you like hearing “THERE’S NOTHING TO EAT!” right after you spent your life savings at the grocery store.
Welcome to parenthood.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) May 4, 2018
Your outdoor rocks are indoor rocks now.
Welcome to parenthood. You now go through 15 loaves of bread per day
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 11, 2017
welcome to parenthood, your day was just ruined by a sock
— The Dad (@thedad) January 10, 2021
Welcome to parenthood. You only drink unintentional iced coffee now.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) November 23, 2019
Welcome to parenthood. Please choose where you'd like your child's acorn collection to be located:
— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 3, 2018
A. On your living room floor
B. Buried in their bedsheets
C. In your bathtub
Welcome to parenthood, where the joy of discovering new music has been replaced by an endless loop of songs from Daniel Tiger.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) May 7, 2015
Welcome To Parenthood: Screen Time on the toilet with a locked bathroom door is now your Self Care.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) January 9, 2019
Welcome to parenthood. You’ve got something on your shirt and your kid just took their pants off again.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) May 3, 2018
Welcome to parenthood.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) October 4, 2017
Everything you touch will be sticky.
Welcome to parenthood: every relaxing moment you now have is slightly ironic and riddled with guilt.
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) February 28, 2018
Welcome to parenthood! I hope you enjoy driving people around to places they begged you to go, but then complained about having to go to when it's time to go.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 8, 2017
Welcome to parenthood. Your full-time job is now putting throw pillows back on the couch.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 22, 2019
Welcome to parenthood.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) January 30, 2018
You now have to put a reminder to set an alarm to schedule an appointment you’ve been conveniently forgetting about for months.
Welcome to parenthood. Every flat surface is a crafts table now.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) October 11, 2020
Welcome to parenthood. Every decision you make is the wrong one. Guilt has replaced all other emotions. There is no escape.
— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) February 21, 2018
Welcome to parenthood. Even if you find your tv remotes they no longer have the backs to them.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 20, 2020
Welcome to parenthood
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) November 20, 2019
When you’re so sleep deprived you’re using face wash to wash your hair and still winning because at least you showered.
Welcome to parenthood. Don't worry, your kid is still alive, their neck just does that when they fall asleep in the car.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 28, 2020
Welcome to parenthood. Your list of symptoms will soon sound like a combination of side effects from every known prescription drug.
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) November 30, 2020
Welcome to parenthood. You're the one who has to put their hand into the murky sink water and pull up whatever gross shit is clogging the sink now.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) October 10, 2018
Welcome to parenthood. Nothing will ever go according to plan ever.
— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) October 19, 2017
Welcome to parenthood! For the next 18 years, everything you do will be wrong to someone somewhere.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 11, 2019
Welcome to parenthood.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) October 4, 2017
Sitting in a dentists' office waiting room for 2 hours is now one of your favorite things.
Welcome to parenthood: where the laundry basket is always full and the threats are always empty.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 12, 2019
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