There are some moments in life when you have to let go. In those moments you learn how alone, insignificant, and replaceable you actually are.
It's a painful realization.
We convince ourselves if we don't show up to work the job won't get done. We tell ourselves we can't live without another person, that they complete us. We live vicariously though the lives of our children, and when they head off to college or out of the home it becomes apparent you were just part of their journey.
When you start to realize that nobody truly needs you. It's humbling and opens you up to a whole new realm where you learn it's okay to take care of yourself. It's okay to do things that make you happy.
The buzz of a non-stop life prevents you from thinking about this too much. The routine sets in.
In the quiet a nagging voice keeps telling you that something just isn't right, and that's scary as hell.
How do you know if it's not just a case of feeling bored or impulsive, but a real decision based on your internal needs?
Is it wanderlust or something more? It is wondering if the grass is greener, or something deeper?
How do you say goodbye without hurting someone you care about or hurting yourself?
Close your eyes and listen.
Do you like your brown, pinecone-ridden yard? Then it's not jealousy.
Do you like getting out of bed everyday and going to work? If so, you're probably on the right career path.
When you hear the front door open do you still get butterflies and stop what you are doing to say hello to your partner? Consider yourself lucky.
But if you feel irritated, unsettled, unhappy and those feelings don't start to wane after days, months even years, then there is something more going on.
So often we ignore what our "gut" is telling us because we want to fit in, we want to belong and we want to be part of something and not left behind.
We force relationships because they look good on paper and are safe. We stay in jobs that drain us because we fear the pile of bills. We alter our personalities to fit in. Instead of grabbing a Bud Light, reach for the higher end craft brew.
I admire those who live life on their terms, those who are fearless.
Try to listen more to your inner voice. Your rights and wrongs should not be determined externally. What brings you joy? Where do you want to live? What do you want to do?
In the end, so many of our worries and fears will no longer matter.
It's not just the material you can't take with you. It's the moments you do or do not create while you are here.
Take a day off from work and spend it the way you want to. Read a book, climb a mountain, jump on a boat and go fishing. Whatever it is you want to do, do it.
To the rest of the world you are replaceable. So live life on your terms. Make it uniquely yours, whatever that means to you.