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What a Life Coach Tells Herself in Fearful Moments

The motivational speaker and author of Thriving Through Uncertainty shares a letter that she wrote to herself about how to move past her anxiety and doubts—and go for what she wants.

Dear Alive One,

I know you just want to get through this time. But I want you to woo this time. Don’t rush. Take your time because nothing that is yours is a matter of harried timing. It’s going to work out. It always does in its own inexplicable way. And everything occurs in its own right hour; you simply can’t breach the laws of reality.

I am proud of you. You will make all the decisions that are right for you. And you will make new ones on the spot with new information. As you create this life, you will have a thousand chances. This isn’t a multiple-choice exam in which you can fail. Take your time. Slog through whatever you need to go through in order to grow, even if it feels like cement. You are being given this chance. And it is a worthy one, followed by nothing but more avenues for your good. There is no scarcity of opportunity.

Discover by following your desire, even if that desire is faint or seems as likely as a chocolate factory, or maybe the Easter Bunny himself, in the middle of the desert. It’s real. It’s there for a reason. Use desire as a compass, and do not concern yourself with how it could ever happen. If you really want to grow and experience all that life can offer you, let go of calculation. This is a path of revelation. It’s the journey of becoming who you did not know you could become.

The censoring voice that tells you that you only have one chance to get this right is a voice of smallness and powerlessness. It’s got sour dinosaur breath—it’s of the old regime. It’s the voice of limitation, asking you to deny your birthright of choice and possibility. It only has one agenda, the agenda to make you wrong. Really, do you think any voice is protecting you by shaming and threatening you? Any advice that limits your spirit is not advice. It’s damnation.

I am here to tell you that you are made of astonishment. You are finding your way, even when you are losing it. You may feel as though you’re struggling or lost. You may ache for resolution, because it’s human nature to want to skip steps and watch Netflix. But here’s what I want you to know. It is working out right now. That’s the nature of life. It works out. A spiritual journey happens when we open our eyes to see it this way, no matter what. You are learning to tune in to the signal that will take you all the way; you are learning to listen to nothing in this life but that which strengthens you.

So, will you—right now—thank yourself for everything, everything, everything, and I mean everything, past, present, and to come, no matter what? Now, that’s a viable prayer. You can decide right now how you will view this time of uncertainty. You may not be able to choose different circumstances. But you can choose to thrive in every circumstance. This isn’t positive thinking. This is positive incarnation. It’s your minutes on earth. It’s your melody. And it’s your choice how you play the song.

Besides, there are an exponential number of outcomes that will help you thrive. There is no outcome that will not gift you. You bring the light with you. You’re the homecoming queen or king thinking you need to win the school’s election. You’ve already won. You’re already chosen. It’s already done. The whole world is simply waiting for you to choose yourself and the perspective that most sets you free. It will wait forever with bated breath. You are that valuable and necessary. We all are.

No matter where you find yourself, you can always choose again. As long as you have breath, you can start over. There is no complexity except in the mind. There is only this simple moment. There is no promise in the distance. The promise is here. It’s everywhere. If you are feeling lack, it is because you are not appreciating yourself and your journey. You are not forgiving yourself for things you imagine you should have done or been.

Choose to be here. Know that this moment in your life has a purpose and that this purpose is essential to your deepest happiness. This is a choice of mental focus that activates the power of the mystery. You’re not thwarted or in a maze. You will be in amazement when you realize your freedom to choose how extraordinary you truly are.

Do take in the privilege of being alive and having choices, drama and desires. There are those who are dying right now. They would give anything to be where you are.

And there are others who would give anything to have your “problems.” They ache to have the chance you have right now. And there are others, still, who are fondly looking back on times in their lives when they stood where you stand right now. The times you are trying to run from, some say, were the best in all their lives.

Acknowledge your courage. It is not easy to be born strong and to crave higher ground. You may feel as though you’re lacking. But truly, it’s because you’re burning to be who you really are. You have a bird of passage within you. You would never be happy at the end of your days having played it bulletproof safe, never knowing where your expression could have gone—especially because you do know deep down where the power of love is meant to take you.

Of course you’re frightened—but you didn’t come into this lifetime to avoid desire and risk and get to the finish line without a smudge, a scar or a difference in your point of view. You want to have put everything into it. You won’t look back and wish you’d given up. You won’t wish you’d sat it out and watched others on television live fascinating lives. You wanted to get wet. You wanted to know. You did know.

Yes, dear one, it’s good to be afraid. It’s important that you’re living a life that matters.

 

Excerpted from Thriving Through Uncertainty: Moving Beyond Fear of the Unknown and Making Change Work for You, by Tama J. Kieves, with the permission of TarcherPerigee, an imprint of Penguin Random House. Copyright © 2018 by Tama Kieves. Kieves is a motivational coach and is on the faculty of holistic centers across the country, including the Omega Institute, the Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health, the Esalen Institute and Canyon Ranch. She has also spoken at Harvard Law School and TEDx, and has keynoted at business and leadership conferences.

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