What Ever Happened to Michael Moore?

A couple of years ago he was a hero, standing up to power, standing up to Oscar, standing for what's right. Anybody seen him lately? Like at the mall? Or a 7-11? Or in line at the movies?

Wasn't he supposed to be coming out with a documentary on the health care system? Last I heard he was still looking for people who had been abused by it. How hard could it be to find that?

And I used to get emails from him all the time. Not to me personally, but his email essays were frequently brilliant, and always funny. I haven't gotten one in I don't know when.

Did he quit? Is he sick? On vacation? Did he have a motorcycle accident and is on the sidelines in a cast? Is he running a Dodge dealership in Flint? A deli in Manhattan?

Did he just get sick and tired of the fat jokes? Of all the jokes? Does he have documentarian block? Did he run out of money? Is he out skiing in Aspen?

Was he bought by the oil companies and is coming out with "The Wonderful Story of Standard Oil and How It Helps Mankind?"

Is he writing for Hugo Chavez and doesn't want to come back? Did he leave the country like many of us talk about doing?

Was he so bummed by the 2004 election that he decided to get out of the business?

I mean I haven't heard him on Air America. He doesn't seem to show up on Ed Schultz. Has Olbermann asked him to be on? Hell, he doesn't even take advantage of being on the air with a hot chick like Stephanie Miller.

Where have you gone Michael Moore? Didn't we line up in front of all those theaters? Did we not love you enough? Our nation turns its bloodshot eyes to you.

What's that you say? His new doc is going to Cannes? Why the hell didn't I get a call about this? See what happens when they get a taste of the good life? They forget their friends. Well, I only met him once but you know what I mean.

How about checking the last graph before informing everyone what I already said?