Have you ever gotten to the point in a relationship where it’s boring? You’ve known each other for some time, and there’s nothing new to discover. When you first meet somebody and start dating them it feels like you are a detective asking a suspect questions. It’s natural to be curious about who that person is and how they can be integrated into your life; curiosity makes dating so much fun. You tell each other stories about your childhood and crazy things you did as a teenager. You talk about how you came to do the job that you do. This honeymoon period in a relationship is so much fun.
After a while you get to know each other and the mystery of the relationship is no longer there. You’re used to each other because you’ve been together for years. You can predict each other’s behaviors and you even know what kind of fights you’re likely to have. This is what I mean about a relationship be coming mundane and or boring. It’s like a game you’ve played thousands of times, you know what to expect.
People often talk about the seven year itch in marriage or relationships. This is sort of what this kind of boring dynamic refers to. You want to change things up, but you don’t exactly know how. Maybe you’re noticing more of the things that irritate you about your partner than the positive parts of the relationship. That’s when you know that something needs to shift.
The boring nature of a relationship is the sign that something needs to change. Often when people are in boring relationships this is the time when they start cheating on each other. I’m not saying that boredom automatically leads infidelity but the two can definitely correspond.
What do you do when your relationship get stagnant and boring? One option is to ignore it and live in denial. But that will not result in further happiness. Boredom is a sign that you need help with a relationship and this can happen in therapy. The two of you can talk about what is boring and fix it. It’s possible to get the spark back into a boring relationship but it takes both people being dedicated to this to make it happen.
I’ve seen boring relationships either end or transform into healthy dynamics. The key is remembering what you love about the other person rather than what annoys you about them. That’s the way to bring back the excitement into your relationship: remind your self what qualities that other person has that you adore. Then the boredom dissipates and you feel a sense of peace.
Some people are under the impression that volatile relationships or dramatic ones are the most exciting kinds. This is a myth; those sorts of relationships can be emotionally draining. A healthy relationship is when two people respect one another, enjoy spending time together and are understanding of one another’s needs.
So, what about you? Have you ever been in a relationship that turned boring? What did you do?
Boredom in a relationship needs to be addressed.