Parents

What I'm Doing While My Kids Are Away On Vacation

07/31/2017 11:05am ET | Updated August 3, 2017

This week for the first time ever, my kids are going away for a full week.

Like, out of state away.

Like... get on an airplane to go visit the grandparents away.

They are losing their minds, as am I.

Basically, today I put my entire life on an airplane. People do this all the time, right? My parents did it with me when I’d go to visit my grandparents, but that was in the ’70s, when I probably hitchhiked to LaGuardia and sat in the smoking section.

When I talk about this trip everyone keeps asking me the same question.

“What are you guys gonna do while they’re away?”

My answer?

Nothing.

My husband and I are not taking a trip, getting away for a few nights, or driving an hour and a half to the coast or the mountain. Why would I when I have all of the luxury that is my own empty house, right here? We have not had a house to ourselves for seven days/six consecutive nights in twelve years. Why would we go anywhere?

Now please do not get me wrong, I love these boys more than anything in the world — they are up there with pizza and Mick Jagger — as I mentioned before they are my life.

And now for a few days, my life kind of gets to go back to how it was twelve years ago. Kind of.

Here is a list of some important things I will be doing while my kids are away.

  • Sleep.

  • Watch television that is not SpongeBob.

  • Come home from work and see the house just as I had left it this morning. (I cannot fathom this.)

  • Eat take out in the living room for six nights straight.

  • Not hound anyone about taking a shower. (It is summertime and these boys are RIPE.)

  • Not go to a public child-filled pool.

  • Sleep.

  • Get a pedicure.

  • Oh a whim go out for drinks/movies/karaoke/dates.

  • Not pick multiple pairs of socks up off the floor, throw socks on the stairs, ask people to take socks upstairs, take socks upstairs myself.

  • Not have a conversation with anyone while on the toilet.

  • Not hear the phrase “five more minutes” from anyone.

  • Not say the phrase “did you brush your teeth” to anyone.

  • Sleep.

  • Not run the dishwasher every day.

  • Talk without getting interrupted. (Again — cannot fathom this.)

  • Have absolutely positively nothing to do on a Saturday.

  • Take a tipsy trip to Target post drinks/movies/karaoke/dates.

  • Sleep.

So as you can see, I have a lot of things to do while my boys are away. I better get busy.

I will miss them like crazy — I kind of already do.

But it’s night one and I have a date with my husband. And a sausage pizza.

Lori’s website, Drawn to the ’80s, is where her 5-year-old drew the hit music of the 1980’s. Her blog, Once Upon a Product, is where she writes about important things like beauty products and her lifelong Mick Jagger obsession.