No one ever tells you everything you need to know before you have a baby. There is an unspoken rule about not speaking the whole truth to expecting moms. Everyone tells you how rewarding it is to be a mother. They say how amazing it is to see your child smile, hear them laugh, and watch them grow. But no one ever tells you how hard it really is. No one ever tells you that the first couple months are the hardest months of your life.
I wish someone told me.
No one ever tells you that you may hate breastfeeding. No one ever tells you that by hating it, you will hate yourself because you have read how breastfeeding is supposed to be a natural, beautiful feeling that bonds you with your baby. No one ever tells you how in the middle of the night, while breastfeeding your sweet, chubby cheeks newborn, that you may feel more alone than you have ever felt before. And it hurts. Not just the latching on, but the pain from feeling alone and tired, and the feelings you have because you are not enjoying the experience; it all just hurts.
I wish someone told me.
No one ever tells you that in those early moments of motherhood, you silently think about life before the baby and you wonder if you made the right choice. You think about if you waited another month to start trying, another year, another decade, if things would be easier. No one ever tells you that even though you may love your baby with all your heart the second they are born, it may take months until you actually like them. No one ever tells you how you then think you are the worst mom in the entire world for having these thoughts. You think you are probably the only mom in existence that has felt this way. No one ever tells you that you are not the only one.
I wish someone told me.
No one ever tells you that once your baby sleeps through the night, you suddenly have insomnia that sneaks up on you around the time you used to wake up to feed them. No one ever tells you how during those times you will pray that your baby wakes up too, so at least being awake will have meaning. No one ever tells you how when you do sleep, you may have nightmares about the most random things, not just your baby being trapped under your covers (even when you are not co-sleeping), and you will wake up feeling like you never slept at all.
I wish someone told me.
No one ever tells you how there will be days that you are just tired for no reason, even after you slept well the night before. No one ever tells you how not only will you be physically tired, but how you will be emotionally tired, too: tired of crying, tired of not napping when the baby naps, and tired of worrying. No one ever tells you how you will count the minutes until you put your baby to bed, then spend hours looking at photos of them. No one ever tell you how you will miss them as if you have not seen them for days.
I wish someone told me.
No one ever tells you it gets easier. No one ever tells you how one day your baby will smile at you and you will smile back. And just like that, you are best friends. No one ever tells you how hearing your baby laugh for the first time will bring you to tears because you are laughing so hard, too. No one ever tells you it is okay to stop breastfeeding because you are absolutely miserable. No one ever tells you that sometimes the best decision you make for your child is to make yourself happy first.
I wish someone told me.
No one ever tells you how you will look back at those first few miserable months and only think of the good parts. No one ever tells you that you never forget the bad parts, they just become less important. No one ever tells you that even though you miss life before your baby, you would not change your new life for anything.
I wish someone told me.
I am telling you because maybe if someone told me that the first few months of raising a baby were going to be the hardest, most emotional months in my life, then I would not have felt so alone. Maybe if someone told me it was okay to cry and maybe if someone told me that it was okay to think that I had made a mistake, then maybe I would not have wondered if I was normal.
I am telling you, you are normal.
Seeing your baby smile, hearing them laugh, and watching them grow truly are the most rewarding moments in your life. Do not let these moments pass you by. Because before you realize it, they are crawling, walking, and running. And before you know it, they are going off to kindergarten with their backpack and lunchbox, waving goodbye.
If you think you or someone you know could be experiencing more than just "baby blues," please contact a doctor. Postpartum depression is a real disease. Moms (and dads) can experience an extended period of sadness after their child is born. The sun will rise again and you will feel better, I promise.
A similar post was originally posted on Rosie's personal blog: Life, Army Wife Style. Rosie regularly blogs about books and babies.