Have you ever been swept off your feet, only to realize after a little while that you fell for someone with whom you really had not much in common? Someone so different from who you are that you couldn't help to question How in the world did this happen? Well, it's happened to many of us, and sadly, it is still more prevalent than we think.
In a Great Britain survey, over a third of 1,500 adults sampled, admitted being married to the wrong person. Shocking isn't it? But it gets worst... 42% of people using the Tinder dating app said in a GlobalWebIndex research that they already had a partner but, just kept looking...
That got us thinking. How could we coach a couple that would come to us for help after realizing they fell in love with the "wrong person?" What if the couple were a real mismatch?
What If Hillary and Donald fell in love?
Like coaching Hillary and Donald... Here's how we think it would go:
Mario: "How can we help you?"
Hillary: "Donald and I differ on too many issues now, and we both wonder if it can be reconciled. Quite frankly this is making me question if he's the right partner for me."
Diane: "Well this sounds like a very blunt assessment. Let's start with you Donald. What do you think Hillary's referring to?"
Donald: "I don't know what she's talking about. I think I'm a great partner. In fact, if you knew me, you'd probably say that I'm among the best you've ever met. She'll never have a better partner than me!"
Hillary: "Here we go again..."
Mario: "Okay, let's try this... Donald, what would be your #1 reproach to Hillary?"
Donald: "I think she's not transparent enough. It's as if she has stuff she keeps hidden on a personal server somewhere..."
Hillary: "I told him many times that I will happily divulge anything he wants to see once he too unveils his personal stuff."
Diane: "Alright then. What about you Hillary. What's you top grievance with Donald?"
Hillary: "I never know where he stands. He speaks from both sides of his mouth and keeps changing his opinions all the time!"
Donald: "I never, never, do that. Believe me! I'm just showing flexibility at times, that's all. Hillary is not a flexible person. Believe me!"
Hillary: "See how he is? He's very condescending with women to say the least..."
Donald: "She keeps playing that women card with me. She knows NOBODY respects women more than me. NOBODY. I think because she's part of the establishment, she's used to get it her way all the time."
Diane: "Wow... Let's try the gentleness side of things... Couples all have cute loving nicknames they like to use with one another in their intimacy. I'm curious to know yours. Hillary, how do call Donald?"
Hillary: "The Apprentice."
Donald: "I like to call her Crooked."
Mario: "Okay guys, it seems like we'll have to leave your disagreements aside for now. But before you had your differences, there must have been something you guys agreed upon, something both of you wanted to have. What was it?''
Hillary: "Well we wanted a better future for ourselves."
Donald: "Yes, 'Make Our Lives Great Again'!"
Hillary: "Yes! And we both had this dream for a new home. You know a nice house all painted in white with an iron fence around it... Then, he changed his mind like he always does, and decided he would build a wall instead of the fence to protect us from immigrants and Muslims... And he wanted me to pay for it! That's when things started to go sour."
Donald: "Yep, I remember. That was bad. Worst than a bad hair day..."
Diane: "So you're done with your "white house" dream?''
Hillary: "Oh hell no! I still want it, but I'd rather move in with a womanizer than a racist!"
Donald: "I continue to think the wall is a great idea. Anyway, I still want my "white house" too. And I'll have it with someone who truly appreciates my interior design taste. You know I have the greatest interior design taste don't you? I mean the GREATEST! Have you seen pictures of Mar-a-Lago?"
Mario: "Thank you guys, I think we'll call it a day..."
Nobody ever said that individuals needed to be identical in order to have a functional relationship. In fact we believe a "Hillary / Donald" type of couple could be viable, provided both parties have a deep understanding of Who They Are and What They Are Looking For. When we have that in place, it shields us from making 2 major mistakes:
1.Being blinded by someone's true colors.
2.Getting involved with somebody so "alien," that He/She will eventually look to us like a different specie.
Charlton Heston, Planet of the Apes, 1968, 20th Century Fox
And just to be clear, this is not about tastes. Tastes are always arbitrary. After all, who's to say vanilla ice cream is better than chocolate? And this is not about novelty either. Novelty is good, but at one point, every novelty becomes obsolete. Remember iTunes?
So to have a long lasting, blissful relationship, let's all think Love Match rather than Mismatch. The first step as we highlighted above is to understand Who You Are. This will require a bit of work, but it is highly important to help you recognize your Love Match or reconcile any differences in your existing couple. Take some time to identify the 4 areas that define Who You Are: your Gratitudes, your Beliefs, your Values and your Priorities. We call that your GBVPs.
As a second step, make a list of What You're Looking For of your next partner. If you already have, it's worth going back to your list and check if it is still relevant! If you haven't, try to be as precise as possible. And one last thing: go beyond the physical attributes of the person because that's often how we tend to get blinded... Beauty is highly important but it transcends body features.
* * * * * *
Acclaimed Relationship Coaches, Authors and Bloggers Diane and Mario Cloutier have each experienced real-life relationship sorrows of breakups and divorces before finally attracting the blissful relationship each of them were longing for. They became romantically involved in 1998 and married in 2001. Together, they are the proud parents of three millennials.
Their new book, Relovenship® -Look Within to Love Again! (Xclamat!on Media, 2015) gives inspiration, hope and a step-by-step methodology to people who have had romantic disappointments and are still looking to find "the one."
Mario and Diane are now constantly traveling across the United Sates and Canada to spread their message: that it is possible to "live happily... EVEN after!" For booking inquiries or to learn more about them and their upcoming events, go to ReLovenship.com. Of course you can also follow them on Facebook or Twitter!