Babies, for millions of young women, the symbol of a union of love and happiness between two persons.
Today, that union is still present for me.
It’s called reality.
Truth is, in a world with Internet, history has never seen more perfect moms than the ones of our generation. They have a career, take care of their kids and make sure to provide them with only the best of everything: education, food, activities, wisdom, knowledge, etc.
So when it got time for me to join the mommy-club, I was dying to see how I’d succeed in it (yes, ‘cause failure was not an option with so much knowledge, right?).
But then something happened that was not planned.
Reality struck.
Luckily, a reality of this size always comes in phases, which makes it less painful.
The most obvious part of it was that, you can’t push yourself into becoming someone you’re not. What is a perfect mom after all?
Do these perfect moms even know how to define the perfection they so hold onto?
Truth is, when you search for advice on Internet, you find many (many) recommendations, most of which contradict themselves: breastfeeding is best, breastfeeding contains chemicals transferred by the mom to the baby (yup… new research!), pacifiers are great for soothing a baby, pacifiers are terrible for teeth and speech development, start with solid food at six months and introduce only cereals, introduce a variety of solid foods not just cereals, walkers are great, walkers are terrible and don’t teach kids how to walk as they can’t see their tiny feet!
And the list goes on and on…
So, I just stopped reading.
Well, not exactly, but I stopped reading without getting an answer to THE reason why I started looking for these recommendations in the first place.
You see, with so much knowledge out there, you either sink into an ocean of madness, or you choose to become a selective reader (as they say, more is less). Most of the recommendations we find on the Internet provide lists of benefits or disadvantages of using (or not) something specific, but they do not explain what this really means to us, moms.
Real example from my life: the pacifier. When my daughter was born, I wasn’t sure if I should even consider it and I found that the feedback given on forums, coming from other moms, was more valuable than the knowledge and the big academic research made on this topic. I read the pros and cons offered by those parents and made my final decision: to offer the pacifier to my baby, ONLY when she sleeps. The pacifier seemed to be great for calming her down (and I wanted that) and we’ve managed to limit its usage for the specific purpose of sleeping by using the great motto ‘no sleeping – no pacifier’.
And she gets it.
She takes out the pacifier when she’s not sleeping.
And she’s not that addicted to it either, as she still manages to sleep without it when we’re out of the house.
For some, pacifiers are an addiction – perfect moms don’t need it.
But for me, they are just a tool.
Will using a less perfect method make my baby less happy or less smart? Not exactly, but it will for sure make her less NOISY!
Perfect moms can be defined in many different ways: being on top of everything, giving the best to your kids, following the socially approved rules, etc.
The problem here is that this type of perfection rhymes with robotic.
Perfect moms seems to opt for what others approve of them, rather than what they approve for themselves and their kids.
So here is my question: is this what we really need?
I doubt it….
I guess the best definition of perfection is happiness. I’ve seen moms do things to their kids that are on my definite no-no list, but it works well for them and for their kids. It makes them happy, and my opinion should not affect this harmony.
Instead of wasting time listening to how e-knowledge guides us to perfection, maybe the best would be for each mom to do what suits her, and her family best.
That sounds about right.
Actually, that sounds very empowering.
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