My ex has a girlfriend.
I don't know how serious it is or how serious it isn't, but she's there. Just hanging out on his Facebook page, silently.
She's there, just casually mentioned by him a month ago.
Whether she's a she of importance or a she of the moment, she's there.
It's the first girlfriend post separation in the land of divorce.
He technically "won" the race, as in, he is the first person to move on, and not me.
This bothered me initially.
Like, "Why not me?"
My stomach turned seeing her face on his Facebook page.
But then I took another look and my first thought was, "She looks nice. Happy. Harmless."
I told my friends, "I can't hate her," and I can't. Maybe I am supposed to, but she looks like a nice and normal woman. I am relieved--and hopefully she is nice and normal!
She looks like she could be a person I might say hi to.
Besides, I can't hate someone I don't know nor do I need to.
Maybe if we meet, I won't like her. Maybe she will be a headache. Maybe she will be amazing and sweet.
Maybe I will like her more than my ex. Wink.
My head spun with a billion thoughts upon "meeting" this person via social media.
"Will she be my kid's step mom one day?" "Will she hate me?" "Will she be a pain?" 'Will she try to move my ex far away where she is?" (She's far from where we live, which is a concern of mine.)
Then I told myself to shut up.
These are all problems that haven't even begun or happened.
I can't worry about something that doesn't exist yet.
I can't get upset about imaginary scenarios that aren't founded in reality.
Still, it was bizarre to see this face and think, "She and I could be stuck together, this stranger."
Of course though, we could be stuck together or we could be joined together. I don't know.
What I do know is this, and perhaps this may help other people "meeting" their ex's new flames on social media:
1- It's not a race. I haven't met anyone yet, but it's not a race. I will meet someone when I am ready. And let's face it: I could go on dates all the time if I just settled. So could all of us. But I am saving myself for people who will add to my life and not drain me. I don't need to be completed. I am complete on my own. I need to be complemented and so do all of you!
2-Don't Borrow Trouble Where There is None: You may be fearing the worst about your ex's new partner but the fact is you're only creating problems where there are none. If a problem comes up, deal with it. Until then, give this person the benefit of the doubt. Remember: you may end up being in this person's shoes! You could be the new boyfriend or girlfriend to a person who's divorced!
3- You Don't Know How Happy Your Ex Is: Your ex could be all sh*ts and giggles, but behind closed doors his or her new relationship can be doomed from the start.
And even if he or she is totally happy, this doesn't mean that you will never be happy with someone again.
4- Some People MUST Have Someone: Some people cannot be single. I have friends or have had friends in the past who must have a boyfriend or girlfriend. This doesn't mean they're having good relationships. In fact typically, they were rushing into bad situations.
There is a difference between being alone and lonely. They're not one in the same.
5- Take it as a Good Sign: If your ex has moved on, it's only a matter of time before your time will come.
6- Being Coupled Isn't Everything: When you're single you have a lot of freedoms that your partnered friends don't have. You also don't have to deal with arguing and other BS. Hallelujah!
7- The New Partner is Probably As Anxious About the Possibility of Meeting You as You Are Meeting Him/Her: You're the ex. Meeting the ex is nerve wracking.
8- Maybe it Won't Be So Bad: Maybe you'll love the new partner!
9- New Partner Now Gets to Deal With Stuff You Didn't Want to From Your Ex: Are you really that sad now?
I think not.
Whether I meet this woman or not, I hope she approaches me with an open mind. I know I will do my best. It's tough when you think of someone else around your kids and it won't be easy for me I already know, but I am hoping for the best. That's the hardest part: knowing my daughter could be around someone I didn't choose, but like all the challenges of divorce, I will hope for the best.
I am also hoping for an amazing man to enter my life or a cabana boy.
If I can have both at the same time, even better.
See? Divorce does have its perks!