What John McCain is Thinking, Part V

Where the hell did Cindy hide my Xanax? I need to double down. If I start acting any jumpier, they're gonna put me in a strait jacket.

Relax, Flyboy! I got the Pipe Cleaner on the run. I may have thrown him for a loop when I picked Sarah Powell but I'm really gonna clean his clock when I ditch the debate. Told America Johnny Mac has to swoop in and save the economy -- hope no one notices I was Chairman of the Commerce Committee -- no time for finger-pointing.

Soon as I get to Washington everyone's gonna forget Sally Palin on Katie Couric. Jesus H., how do you get that toothpaste back in the tube? Maybe next time we can get one of the Muppets to interview her. Big Bird! He'll go easy. I was worried Katie was gonna start laughing. Probably had to drink Benadryl before the sit down.

God forgive me, Sally Palin makes Bush look good. Prime Minister of Pakistan sure did like her, though. Thinks she's a hooker. Poor guy was wondering what all the cameras were doing there. Wonder what he talked to her about? Sally, everyone in Pakistan wants to know...is Clay Aiken really gay? Least that's something she's qualified to talk about. Am I going to Hell for choosing her? Johnny Mac's a risk taker. Damn the torpedoes, I'll buy some asbestos underwear!

Feel pretty good about calling off the old debate. Still got my surrogates firing away, still got the negative ads running in the swing states, and this old Airman's taking the high road. Showing some leadership... country first. Got everybody fooled... now where did I put my pants?