What Paul Ryan’s Really Thinking in his MLK Day Photo

“Ohh, baby. This photo op is genius. No one will say I’m racist now.”

“Okay, crossing my arms. Wait, I look angry! Maybe I’ll wave--no, no, he wouldn't wave back. That would be embarrassing.”

“How about I daintily lift a hand to my chin…ohh baby, yes. This is it. Thinking pose. Power pose. And a single arm draped across my middle to support my thinking? Beautiful.”

“Does my expression indicate that I both respect Dr. King and systematically oppress black people? How’s that for diversity of thought?”

“Man, I keep hunching over. Wish I had a stronger spine.”

“I consider Dr. King to be my friend. So that I can say I have a black friend.”

“Is the intern still taking the photo? How long am I supposed to stand like this? Thinking is exhausting.”

“I still think wearing dreadlocks would’ve helped drive the point across.”

“Wait, Doctor King? Wasn’t he a priest? Ugh, was he one of those people who got a Ph.D in like, literature, and then made everyone call him ‘doctor’?”

“Jesus Christ, this intern is taking forever. I have places to go and people to see and Trump tweets to cover up.”

“Do you think Donald misses me? I’ve been standing here so long. Maybe he’ll understand which is my first name and which is my last name by now.”

“Seriously, was he a doctor?? I need to know!!!”

“If MLK were alive today and not assassinated by a serially convicted felon with a gun, he would totally oppose gun control.”


Note: This is a satirical piece. No one knows what Paul Ryan was actually thinking, except for Paul Ryan himself, if he was even thinking anything at all.

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