What The Royals Should Be Doing in LA

LA can do better than the decidedly stuffy itinerary planned for the three day visit that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, (that's Will and Kate to us the proletariat), have planned. As this is Kate's first trip to the United States, (she is said to be wildly excited), we propose the newlyweds scamper off like Audrey Hepburn in "Roman Holiday" to experience the real Los Angeles. Here are some suggestions:

Friday, July 8: English ambassador Nigel Sheinwald will meet Will and Kate at LAX, and eventually guide them to the elegant (read: stuffy) Beverly Hills Hotel, where they have reservations for a $10,800 a night suite.

Sod that. Instead, the couple should hole up in West Hollywood's chic London Hotel, where they can take in 360-degree views of the city from the rooftop pool. Here, they will sip mojitos while lying under a striped cabana and tanning their pretty, pale faces in the SoCal sun. That night, they'll grab dinner at the London's restaurant, which is operated by hothead UK export Gordon Ramsey. After noshing, it's back to the room for an evening of snuggling in their jammies while watching HBO on the telly and recovering from their jetlag. The London, 1020 North San Vicente Boulevard, at Sunset Boulevard, (866-282-4560 or Saturday, July 9: Will is scheduled to play in an afternoon polo match in Santa Barbara. Kate will spectate.

Dullsville. Let's have them ditch the horses and trek to Carson to watch the LA Galaxy trounce the Chicago Fire. The "football" game will make the couple feel home-ey, as will the Galaxy's Brit-centric roster, which includes Englishmen Dan Keat, Chris Burchall, and, of course, one Mr. David Beckham. Home Depot Center, 18400 Avalon Boulevard, Carson, (310-630-2000 or

After the bout, Will, Kate, Becks and Posh can grab a bite at Torrance's newly opened 1321 Downtown Taproom Bistro, where they will toast to Will's great grandmother with a round of the Brit-centric bar's rum, pear, agave and rosemary-based Victoria cocktail. 1321 Downtown Taproom Bistro, 1321 Sartori Avenue, at Marcelina Avenue, Torrance, (310-618-1321 or Sunday, July 10: Today, Will and Kate are scheduled to assemble care packages for troops in Afghanistan, which sounds like a lovely gesture of goodwill that will also require a stiff drink afterwards.

Jolly good, as Waterloo and City is Culver City's answer to the traditional English gastropub. Let them start with the "prince" sized order of cured meats (that's the medium size between "commoner" and "king"). Kate can wash it down with a Piccadilly Martini while Will gets a manly drink on with the bar's gin-based Westside cocktail. They'll have a few while reminiscing about their LA vacay, ("wasn't traffic on the 405 atrocious, dahling?"), and getting a bit more sauced than the Queen might approve of. After, they'll board their return flight both slightly hungover and completely blissed out on their SoCal experience. 12517 West Washington Boulevard, at Wasatch Avenue, Culver City, (310-391-4222 or

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