The tumult happening on Wall Street is currently tearing our country apart, but financiers apparently still need to dress to impress.
Business Insider posted a seemingly unironic list today of the "15 Work Accessories That Every Wall Street Woman Must Have." You heard it here first, ladies! Just because you work insane 90-hour weeks doesn't mean you can get away with (*shudder*) Nine West shoes.
What are BI's must-haves? Well, nothing comes from Kmart:
One Wall Streeter suggests owning Tory Burch, Lanvin or Chanel flats, while another recommends Ferragamo flats.
Chanel flats cost upwards of $600, so cool, good way to spend your bonus this year. One of our female finance friends says, "Flats that are that expensive may be difficult for someone starting out. Steve Maddens or Sam Edelmans will do."
You also want to make sure you're rocking the right kind of watch:
A Wall Streeter told us some popular watch makers are David Yurman and Tiffany's.
Omg, which one should I get?
Another tip, for the gym:
One popular suggestions is a simple black Longchamp bag, which is also useful for toting gym clothes.
But wait, won't my dirty yoga clothes stink up my $200 tote? Or do finance women not sweat?
Our helpful male finance source: "I know that people had small bags and not large ones. Usually black and could be carried easily so as not to hit people."
And where will you shop for all of these luxe goods? Your iPad, duh:
We suggest using it to "fill your daily Gilt addiction," says one Wall Street woman.
Other Wall Street-approved accessories, according to BI:
- Cardigans ("preferably black").
- DVF wrap dresses (only on Fridays).
- A huge rock ("we hear that there's competition among women at some Wall Street firms over the size of diamond engagement rings").
On the banned list? "Absolutely no glitter." Our male friend from the finance world confirms: "I can't even imagine someone wearing glitter to an i-bank."
But we want to say to any downtown ladies who are fretting over fashion: chill. Because you work in a mostly-male environment, most dudes will have freakin' clue what type of shoes you're wearing. Case in point: when we asked our male friend about Chanel, Lanvin and Tory Burch, he responded, "There are a lot of words here I don't know."
It's neither shocking nor news that Wall Street denizens like their luxury goods, but still, in this economy, perhaps the finance world should be a little more self-conscious about the kind of appearance they're putting forward with listicles like this.