We say, "Thank you. We say, "Please."
We don't interrupt and we don't tease.
We don't argue. We don't fuss.
We listen when others talk to us.
We share our things, and take our turn
Good manners are easy to learn.
"What are you writing Mom?" said my soon-to-be four year old daughter, climbing over my chair to catch a glimpse of my laptop screen.
"A letter to America." I replied.
"Who's my Erica?" she asked while smashing down her little palm on my keyboard with a thud.
ILJagi8egyu7hp9
"America. The country that we live in."
"Oh," she paused for a second, "what's it about?"
"It's a little reminder to be kind. Kind of like when you sometimes need a little reminder to share your toys."
"Did America forget how to be kind?"
"I'm afraid so, yes. So I thought a gentle reminder might help."
"Have you forgotten to be kind before?"
"I think everyone forgets sometimes, but it's important not to forget forever. So it's our job as a society, that when we see someone forget their manners, that we politely remind them. That way, they can remember again. Does that make sense?"
"I think so," she said tentatively.
"I guess the core of what I'm trying to say, is that when grownups were little like you, we had a lot more reminders to be polite, and we had more reminders to consider other people's feelings than we do now. As adults get older, they talk too much and they listen too little. They get a short snippet of an event from facebook, or the news-- and it only confuses things, because no one takes the time to learn the why's and how's. Often, they speak up before taking the time to think what damage their words can do, and who may be hurt. Important issues that need to be addressed are dangerously left as a faceless volatile discussion online, and people still get the rewarding feeling that they are addressing it just by voicing their opinion. Then in the end nothing actually gets solved in the real world."
"I think I'm more confused, I don't know what those words mean." she said.
"I'm trying to say that there is a lot more to knowing, than being right. There's a lot more to problem solving, than talking. It's kind to listen, but not too many people do it though, and that's the problem."
"It hurts my feelings when people don't listen to me."
"Exactly. A lot of people walk around day in and day out, with hurt feelings because they don't feel like they are being heard, but if they took a minute to listen to others themselves, they might find, that those people are more interested in hearing what they have to say. When we approach a situation already angry, it's hard not to be defensive. Defensive means, to get angry too. When we are defensive, we close our ears. Then while the other person is talking, we're too busy trying to think of the next thing to say. The cycle of feeling hurt continues. It spreads and grows."
I'd decided I'd already said too much and sent her off to play with a kiss. What I couldn't tell her is that I'm scared for the world that she's growing up in, and my letter to you all, is actually a plea.
Yesterday, there was a shooting in San Bernadino in a Regional Center for the Intellectually Disabled. My youngest daughter, who is 18 months and has Down syndrome, receives services through Regional Center, just like that one, just an hour away.
It hit too close to home. I couldn't let my kids see how terrified I was watching that coverage on the news. I couldn't let them know how I cried reading gun control arguments happening all over facebook, where both sides have their fingers in their ears. I couldn't let them see my disappointment in our country as a whole, that race was brought up on both sides well before a suspect was even named. I couldn't tell her that I was disappointed that we had "sides" at all. I couldn't tell her, that I was wide awake last night. Jumping at every noise, watching the police helicopters fly overhead. I couldn't tell her, how many times I checked on her and her siblings, to make sure they were all okay. These fears I have, I pray she never knows, but time is cutting close. She'll be doing mass shooting drills in Preschool.
So please, America, I'm begging from the bottom of my heart-- our country cannot take more divisiveness. Before you hit 'post' on a political meme, before you gloat about your "side" being right, before you find yourself giving into fear and racism, here's a handy piece of advice that my husband and I keep on our wall for our kids... T.H.I.N.K.
Is it thoughtful?
Is it helpful?
Is it interesting?
Is it necessary?
Is it kind?
If not, then don't share it. No one has any use for it. You are not helping.
As it is now, we are not working together for the same goals, even though, we all should have the same interests. Making our world and country a better place for all.
Compromise or even admitting fault, should never be a sign of weakness, but of perseverance, a testament to our strength. If we never bend, we can only break. We need to stand together. We need look out for each other. We can't be fanning the flames to our own destruction, but we are. Yes, there will always be bad apples, but with a little compromise, a little compassion, and a lot of kindness, maybe I'm naive, but I think those bad apples would be fewer and farther in between. So please, I'm begging you, be the change.