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What Would Happen If My 5-Year-Old Joined Twitter?

As my older daughter approached her 5th birthday recently, my wife and I wondered what it might be like if she were on Twitter. We imagined her tweets would be snarky and sharp, would range from the personal to the political, and that she would call us out on our parenting.
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Every year, my wife, Shannon Berkowsky, and I have created a video in honor of each of our daughters' birthdays. We brainstorm and co-write and re-write each of these works, and then my wife, who is an amazing video editor, edits everything until it's just right.

As my older daughter approached her 5th birthday recently, my wife and I wondered what it might be like if she were on Twitter. We imagined her tweets would be snarky and sharp, would range from the personal to the political, and that she would call us out on our parenting.

Here, then, are the results of our vision: