What You Need to Realize About How Divorce Affects Children

For those of you going through divorce, there's one warning that I need to issue to every single one of you.

Divorce is a matter of public record.

At any point in your children’s lives, they can go down to the courthouse and pull your divorce files.

They can read about what mom and dad did during the divorce. They can literally read and see everything that happened, everything that was said.

Divorce can bring out the worst in you.

Your children might be young when you get divorced. And you might be angry at that time.

You might hate your ex.

You might think you're entitled to money.

Entitled to property.

Entitled to a lifestyle.

You might concoct stories, you might get restraining orders.

You might call somebody a cheater.

Divorce court is one of the ugliest place in America. Spend some time in one and you'll see the lies that are being strewn all over the courtroom.

It's amazing, at the end of the day, what judges must do to cleanse themselves of the lack of integrity of some of the people who are in divorce court.

The only reason why divorce ever goes to divorce court is usually one person is lying so badly that they've lost all sense of rationality.

It's usually somebody who hasn't done any work on themselves at all.

Someone who needs therapy, but refuses to go.

A narcissist, or someone with borderline personality disorder - those are usually the people who love and thrive in divorce court.

Because their issues have never, ever, ever been corrected, fixed, or helped out.

They never truly looked in the mirror. They try believe the story that they spin is a story that they own. The story that they own is far different from what the facts are presenting.

These high-conflict people love divorce court.

But, what the high conflict person doesn't understand, and never looks at, is that during their time of divorce, during the time that they just so badly want to get even, get money and win...

They don't look at the repercussions down the road.

They don’t give a single thought to the repercussions for their children.

And eventually, children always find out the truth about their parents.

I remember this very clearly from when my parents got divorced.

My mother was always by my side. My father was somebody who was a borderline narcissist.

It was all about my father.

When my parents got divorced, my father played the victim very well.

I, in turn, felt bad for him. My mother explained the whole situation to me, but even at the ripe age of 19 I still sided with my father.

I looked at it as an opportunity at that time to be on my father’s side, to give my father the love that I always wanted him to give me.

A couple of years later, after hurting my mother and really fracturing my relationship with her, I saw the truth about him. I saw that my father really didn't care about a relationship with me at all. But everything my mother said was honest.

Every time I saw my father, he was as disinterested as he always was. He found a new girlfriend right away. Once he did, he had no use for his kids anymore.

Your children will always learn the truth.

If you're getting divorced and you're concocting stories and lying, eventually your children will find out, because they'll be curious to know.

Because they'll feel that energy around you.

Not only that, but kids always want to know the truth.

Eventually they get old enough that they want to know what really happened.

All they need to do is go down to the courtroom and see it. Then the questions come and the proof is always in the writing.

The ex will never lie about it anymore once the kids are old enough.

They'll tell the truth. They don't care. They're not protecting you. Their life has moved on.

They battled you.

They couldn't stand the battle with you, so they'll easily confess everything.

You'll fracture the relationship with your beautiful child because of your lack of integrity during your divorce.

So, think before you act. It's the same thing in so many other cases in life. When you lead a life full of integrity, you don't lead a life behind your lies.

There's always a paper trail of lies behind everything that you do, because liars constantly have to remember what they did and what they said.

Cheaters will always leave a cheating trail. Be careful what you do, because children will always find out the truth about their parent or parents.

Just like I did.

This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.