What Your Ex-Girlfriend Wanted You To Know

When a woman stops caring, that’s when you’ve truly lost her.
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The author goofing around at Max Patch, North Carolina.
The author goofing around at Max Patch, North Carolina.

This is an opinion piece written for the thousand and ten guy friends of mine who come to me for relationship advice after theirs has crumbled. Why they turn to me, I don’t know. Yet they keep coming with the sob stories wondering why things ended. So read on boys.

She wanted you to know she cared.

Yes, she may have handled her emotions like a runaway elephant from the circus. And yes, often you may have felt stampeded unfairly ― you probably were. But she’s early 20s, balancing her newly christened career, your relationship, and this whole “adulting” thing on her plate.

The little things she did for you ― the suggestions to try something new, the home-cooked dinners after you got home from work, her coming to all your family events and never once mentioning how weird your uncle can be ― she cared. And even if you aren’t speaking now, never let the present belittle the past. She cared. She still does. And she probably still thinks about you occasionally. Unless you were a real jerk. Then she probably never thinks about you one bit.

She Probably Didn’t Speak Up Enough.

Coming from having a guy I dated actually bring a waitress back to my apartment to hang out with a group of us and pretending like it was ok… I can fairly attest that it can take a lot to get us to blow up.

In the first serious relationship a woman has the first few years after college ― where you wonder if they are “it” ― sometimes women bite back their real opinions, and let you get away with murder. She hasn’t quite figured out how to validate her emotions..

“Am I over-reacting?” she texts her friends when you forget major holidays or show up 15 minutes late to her parent’s house for Christmas dinner ― or bring another woman back to your apartment.

She Had Other Options.

She chose you and that was the end of discussion. Your relationship was sacred to her and she didn’t want the past to taint it or rub in your face that other guys were checking her out. She was with you ― and your relationship was all that mattered.

She Had A Lot More Pressure Than You Did.

Back to the first relationship after college statement. She was constantly asked about if she was in love, if you were going to propose, and a thousand other personal questions that friends and family members barraged her with. The longer you guys dated, the more these questions peppered her. If you guys were casually dating, she felt embarrassed that she wasn’t woman enough to get you to commit.

Maybe she said it didn’t matter, and that the whole Facebook official status is stupid. She just wanted you to claim her to the same degree that she was claiming you. She’s still a girl who believes in the love story ― and not putting a label on what you have dilutes everything she dreamed of having.

She Was Still Growing Up.

She wants to go places and succeed and watch you do the same. She wants a happy ending with you ― a forever love story. Why else is she dating you? But those early 20s are shaping her, just like they are shaping/shaped you. She wants it all, and believes she can have it all. It’s a beautiful combination. It’s also a combination that leads to confusion, frustration and mixed emotions.

She wants to be CEO, mother and free spirit adrenaline junkie. She knows she doesn’t have the make big relationship decisions today, but one day she will ask for your input on where you see the relationship going. Joint decision-making will arrive firmly at her door-step and she may not be ready for that yet. Despite how much she cares about you.

She Reached Her Limit.

Maybe you lied about not being on dating apps, but you swiped when she wasn’t looking. Maybe you wouldn’t text her back but would update your Snap story with selfies of shots and busty bar maids. Possibly you guys both were acting like adults, but something was off and you couldn’t quite put a finger on it but it was time to move on. It could be anything. Probably the dating app lie, but honestly could be anything.

Whatever it was, when a woman reaches her limit and stops caring, that’s when you’ve truly lost her. After a break-up, that’s the best place for a woman to be.

This post was originally posted on www.ashleybrownwriting.com . I would love to do a post on What Your Ex Boyfriend Wanted You to Know.. comment below on what you’d like to see mentioned.

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