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What Your Office Coffee Routine Says About You

The way you drink coffee at the office reveals plenty about your true character.
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The way you drink coffee at the office reveals plenty about your true character, 'cause when your brain is banshee-screaming for caffeine, you don't have time to worry about silly things like "social norms" and "why the hell has my eyelid been twitching like this for the past six hours?". But while YOU may not care what your coffee routine looks like (as long as you get yours), your coworkers surely do. Find out what they're saying about your java-junkie ways behind your back.


When the office gets new K-Cup flavors, you review them for your coworkers

You think "Blue Ridge Dark Night" has a more subtle flavor profile than "Early Morning Edition", and PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THIS.

You express shock about how much sugar your coworkers pour into their coffee... while they're pouring it

Listen, health nut -- back away slowly, or be stabbed in the eyeball with this wooden stirrer. Your choice.

You grind your own beans

Don't worry, that doesn't bother anybody. It's just a bean grinder in an office. Definitely keep doing it a lot while people work.

You actually talk about how people should have low expectations of you because you haven't had your coffee yet

They do have low expectations... of your conversational skills. Also, there's a machine right there, so drink some coffee. It's super easy.


You "just can't" drink anything besides Starbucks

Conveniently, the closest outpost is 20 minutes from the office. But hey -- it's called a coffee break, right? (Everyone hates you.)

You prefer your coffee like your men/women

Oh man! This hilarious, not-at-all-childish joke never gets old! Or offensive! Right, you guys?!

Espressos only

You're extremely sophisticated. Or you're pronouncing it "expresso." Either way, you're probably reading this on your phone while pacing around like a maniac.

You consider gas station/street cart/bodega coffee to be a totally viable option

Either your taste buds have been seared shut from years of guzzling piping-hot motor oil or you actually prefer that taste, which is somehow more troubling.

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