What is your story?
I don't mean the "who are you, where do you work, how many children do you have" story (though that is equally interesting) I mean what is your back story that you have been using as your reason/excuse for staying where you are at and not allowing yourself to grow.
My story was one of a fat kid from a poor family that grew up with dysfunction to the extreme in a small town where everyone knew your business.
I lived in the shadow of my older, very troubled, drug addicted criminal brother and my super smart, popular and very beautiful older sister.
We lived in the same town for generations and many people "knew" of me before they ever knew me which often led to not being allowed to hang out with certain friends as their parents prejudged me based on who my family was rather than who I was.
My mother was a single mom with 3 children (my father was an absent father who chose to drink over spending time with his kids) who worked at a bar at night to support us. I was raised mostly by my best friends family.
After high school I left my small town and moved to a big city where I thought no one would know my story and I could start fresh. This pattern followed me around for many years as I kept moving from place to place in order to stay "invisible" and not have anyone know where I came from because I felt such shame in my history.
I lived with the shame of being poor, being overweight, being raised by a single mother, having a troubled brother and an absent father for most of my life. I felt embarrassed to tell people about my upbringing because it was so different from the "norm" that most couldn't even begin to understand what it was like to live in my reality. When I was in my very early 20's my brother was murdered as result of the lifestyle he had been a part of for so long finally catching up to him. I identified with losing him as a part of my identity for a long time as it was yet another opportunity for me to focus on someone other than myself.
In many ways by life was typical of a broken home, drug abuse, neglect, criminal activity, emotional abuse (from self and other) and debilitating self consciousness. I allowed all of those chapters in my story to define my life, without every knowing that I had the power to rewrite my own version of my life as I chose it to be.
One day, about a month before I was to be married to my partner at the time I had a realization that I was hiding behind everything that had happened to me in my life as an excuse to not have to LIVE my life. I let my weight, my family, my money and my partner's thoughts and experiences define me for so long that I truly had no idea who I was at my core.
One by one I stripped away the layers of bullshit I had been feeding myself and others to really dig down and locate what was left of my own self. I was shocked when I found myself to be strong, capable, HILARIOUS and able because for so long I had thought that none of that was in store for me.
We often let ourselves believe that we are defined by our circumstance, our family history, our environment or more. The truth is, we define ourselves by that, no one else does. When you finally get sick of reading the same shitty story over and over again and you can recite the words by heart you begin to wonder if there is more to life than that.
I had the glorious awakening occur just when I was about to compromise my happiness and zest for life by settling into a marriage that I thought was all that I deserved because I came with so much baggage and no one else would want to handle that. I could not have been more WRONG in that thought. Once I stopped my solo pity party and realized that I had in fact dealt with a lot of shit before in my life, none of which had crippled or killed me I realized that I had the incredible power required to change my current situation.
When we stop living in the past and stop allowing ourselves to be the lead character in someone else's story about us, we are able to gain control and make decisions based on what we truly desire in life. I didn't know starting out what my desires were but I knew very clearly what they weren't.
What have you been telling yourself about your story? Have you been letting the untruths of your past carry on into your future?
live NOW, live on purpose and live with the incredible knowledge that you are NOT defined by anything in this life other than what you allow. You have the extreme power to write your own story and make it a best seller!
Love T