It's a warfare within, raised to fight what makes us weak.
Racing thoughts won't settle, sleepless nights and rapid fears.
Thinking, I've been too strong to let him break me.
A constant struggle not knowing who's going to win; my defense sending alerts to watch out, be careful, don't rush to trust, don't play the fool or the heart which screams I'm ready to let go.
Every fear says you'll be broken in a matter of months, but the lover within wants to feel the pain, broken pieces and all.
The lover wants to feel what giving my all for the first time is like.
To see where blindly trusting takes me.
It's the unknown, that I can turn from haunting to a driving force, to fall in love for the first time.
It's a game where winning is being okay with weakness.
I want to rush through, force answers and know what only time will reveal.
Passing the time aches, along with my body when he's away.
It's a slow journey with no guarantee I'll find my way.
The only guidance is mutual motions of ease.
We want this. Even when one rattles off, disappears or comes and goes. We both want this.
Praying the passion doesn't turn to regrettable rage. Afterall, there's know room for walls and claws when building love.
Hoping I can trust for the first time. Hoping the war ends with him. I'd rather be strong enough to fearlessly love, then tough enough to fight off the pains that come from loving.