When Does Sex Count?

There's always an argument when it comes to love - we happen to hear a lot of them. And just like there is always an argument around the term "hooking up," there are also a few semi-sexual experiences that leave us thinking... did that count? (And please--if you are my friend and are going to say "we hooked up," you must follow that up with what that exactly constitutes, because I'm going to ask you anyway.) But really, what actually constitutes having sex and what doesn't or shouldn't? We're not big into keeping a list of lovers, but when you start doing the tally, you really got to know what's fair game and what's forgettable.

Both too drunk to remember.
If you don't have a clue, then it doesn't count, right? Unless there were eye-witnesses. Were there witnesses? You probably don't remember. If you really want to know, maybe call up an FBI team. Apparently they can find semen anywhere.

He came before it started
So, there was some touching, and the two parts connected but there was no insertion. He was like one of those automatic soap dispensers that over-excitedly squirts out soap when your hand gets anywhere near the vicinity of it. You know what they say, without penetration, it doesn't count.

Someone walked in on you.
So it was kind of half-sex, but no one finished, and you had to rip the covers over your private bits as this innocent bystander shielded their eyes. You could've gone back to it, but the mood was ruined. Yup, it happened for a while though (or maybe like one minute) but either way you did it. It counts..

He freaks out after a micro-thrust or two.
This isn't one you should have to add to your number (if you care about that sort of thing), but it's something you know you won't forget about.

Sex with an identical twin
This is always a risk when dating identical twins. Still, being able to tell them apart is the first rule of dating twins! Perhaps they play a prank on you...but what kind of sibling does this sort of thing?! This is not a two-for-one special. It absolutely counts.

No one came.
People have sex and don't finish all the time (sadly) - so this definitely still counts. Sorry. Maybe try again? Or never see that person again if it was really terrible and just forget it ever happened. Move on to greener, and more satisfying, pastures.

You fell asleep during.
Maybe he had this really comfortable memory foam mattress, and you drank a few too many glasses of wine, and if it was like, really slow the whole time instead of rowdy here and there, then totally understandable girl! It's just like a massage...on the inside...ok I'm trying to be on your side here but I certainly hope it's not boring enough to fall asleep during. And I hope he realizes soon enough because yes, you're having sex and it counts. At least for one of you. It also might offend him a little, too. Even though he's probably in need of the lesson.

You dreamed that you did it and then can't look at that person the same afterwards.
As Biggie would say, "it was all a dream.." Day dream, real dream, either way--get on the real thing. Even if you got off to this dream better than some real life sex in the past, it still doesn't count. Penetration from your vibrator isn't the same, either.