The New England Patriots and Seattle Seahawks will play in the Super Bowl this Sunday in Glendale, Arizona. It'll be a great game, and there are probably enough story lines and subplots to fill a 160-page Quentin Tarantino script.
But, naturally, that's not the story in the week leading up to the game. As you may have heard, there's this issue currently billed as #Deflategate. It's a mess. To sum it up: the Patriots, in their 45-7 AFC Championship win over the Colts two weeks ago, may or may not have deflated some of the footballs before or during the first half of the game. A softer ball is easier to throw and catch, usually, which would give them an unfair advantage. The Pats have a history of cheating, which makes this a bigger deal than it should be.
I'm not here to talk about deflated footballs. Yes, much of the hand-wringing over the footballs is legitimate -- it is, if true, a deliberate breaking of the rules; it undermines the game's integrity; it's probably reason to suspend a player or coach -- but when it comes to Brady, it always turns into a different, much less sophisticated conversation.
It is, inevitably, about his his wife, 34-year-old Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bündchen.
National television and radio commentators, The Twitterverse and various corners of the Internet, seemingly unable to control their sexual frustrations while diagnosing Brady's poor play, say, as if in unison:
Oh, Gosh, I really feel sorry for Tom Brady, given what he has waiting for him at home... (More on this here, if you can stomach the idiocy.)
This is insulting on so many levels it's hard to pick the most egregious, but let's consider three:
1. It's offensive to Bündchen, essentially saying that the only thing she is is Tom Brady's wife, a brainless, beautiful object waiting in bed for him to arrive so she can entertain and fulfill his sexual desires;
2. It's offensive to Brady, as if his his work life shouldn't count, as if it's only misplaced sexual need and what he does outside his house doesn't matter, because apparently, having sex with a supermodel is the only thing that matters on this planet;
3. It's both offensive and boring to viewers, dumbing things down as if the only thing we're thinking about is sex with a supermodel.
This junior high analysis of Brady reminded me of when tennis player Andy Roddick announced his retirement from the game on a somewhat down note a few years ago, and members of the professional media said things like: "Oh, something tells me he's going to be plenty busy without tennis," or, "Let's all please remember one thing: No one here feel bad for Andy Roddick leaving tennis on a rather sour note."
Roddick, of course, is married to former Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker, whom the camera would always zoom in on when she's in the crowd. What, Roddick isn't allowed to feel disappointment about part of his career because Decker shares a bed with him? He's not allowed to vent frustration toward the media because his wife is a swimsuit model? And now, Brady isn't allowed to deal with this crisis ("crisis") without everyone telling him to shut the hell up and and count his blessings because a model sleeps in his bed? Nope. Gisele walking through his bedroom in the morning doesn't negate the fact that he has an actual life outside sleeping with a model.
It's all bullshit nonsense. Please stop. It's insulting and boring.