I am such a worrier. I will worry about if I’m a good enough mom or a good enough wife. Did the kids eat enough fruit and veggies today? Did I love them enough today? Are they happy? Am I teaching them all the life lessons they need? Are they being exposed to enough? Do they have enough time to be kids? And then there’s all the other life stuff. Yup, I’m worried about all that too. It’s never-ending. Anything and everything. I will worry about it.
The worries are endless and in some ways so pointless. I can tell you this in a sensible state of mind. But in a non-rational state, the worries makes complete sense to me. These are all important things, right? Things that feel like they need solutions. And by solutions, I mean answers. Immediately. In some ways not having solutions to these things makes me feel like there’s so much left open-ended. Which, in turn, makes me feel like my life is out of control because there are so many loose ends.
I don’t like to have loose ends or things left undone. If I have a few tasks to complete and a week to get them done, the majority of the time I am going to get them done right away. I don’t like the weightiness of knowing there are still tasks to accomplish. But, is that a reasonable way to look at all things in life?
I have always been a worrier. I don’t ever remember a time in life I didn’t worry or thought ahead or preplanned. I was the oldest and took on that role of being the leader in a real serious way. Haha. In some ways, this has served me so well. I have superhero analyzing, planning and organizing skills. It’s great and it’s also completely exhausting.
As life continues to go on and I continue to learn, I have learned do not have all the solutions and answers. While a good majority of this worry comes from struggling with anxiety, a lot of it needs to be laid down. And, by laying down I mean set aside, let go of, and given to God. I’ve just come to a point where it kind of swallows me and does not let me function. It’s nearly impossible to live like that. It’s a constant state of being tense, restless, and nervous. Feelings that never let me truly just be. It’s almost as if I can never catch a full breath of air. And that’s just no way to live a life.
“6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ.” -Phillippians 4:6-7
And that’s just it, this is what we should we do with our worry. Giving it to God. Believing that he will supply all of our needs. He always does. True peace has to come from him.
You have to know that in the grand scheme of life these things will work themselves out for the greater good of your purpose. The answers always get answered. Always! Learning to let go has been hard and still such a work in process but there’s truly nothing that worrying solves.
The thing about this worry is, it tends to steal joy. If you’re so busy worry about the next solution to your “problem” you’re probably not seeing what’s in front of you. And what’s in front of me is a life that’s so beautiful, and perfect.