Where Are We Trying To Get To?

Recently I had a conversation about getting to a place in life. My husband brought up a subject in the context of "When we get there", in response to my question, "Where is there?" Is there truly an ideal "there" in life?

As humans we are always rushing about to get somewhere. As Alan Watts points out: before we get to high school we cannot wait to get there. We think it is everything we have been waiting for, so we get to high school and something happens and we think, this isn't it; it will be it when I get to college. We get to college and something happens and we think, this isn't it, it will be it when I join the workforce. This way of thinking includes getting married, having kids, buying a house and so on. We are constantly in search of more only to realize that more is never enough. We get into a honeymoon state at various points of our lives, with everything from work to relationships and everything in between. The issue is this euphoric feeling is temporary. It lasts for a few months, maybe years, or even longer in some cases; but what happens after? How can you break the cycle of the nagging, "Now what" feeling that always comes after the honeymoon stage?

It starts with examining not being satisfied, fulfilled or needing to be in some ideal situation. It starts with understanding that "ideal" is the stuff of fairy tales. The idea that something is even ideal is most often the result of conditioning by way of media or social environment (school, family etc.). From a very young age we are conditioned to think a certain way and when we accept the ideals taught to us without examining them, it is easy to get caught up in the cycle.

The concept that there is no ideal is one that rings truest and wisest to me. Even when we do reach something we feel is ideal, it is always accompanied by some unexpected variation in our plan, contradictions, sacrifices and/or consequences. Here we are yet again thinking, "This is ideal... but," this "But" negating the very concept of ideal.

Once you truly understand that there is no "ideal," your goals can shift. The focus can shift to being in the present and playing on the court where you are now standing. Whether it is at work, love, friendship or life: giving it your all is the best you can do. The more aware you are that now is the most relevant, the further along in life you will be. You will then be able to be grateful for the life you do have. When busy striving for something else we cannot see that which is right in front of us, nor can we sincerely give gratitude for it or take time to acknowledge others; which is one of the highest forms of a gift we can bring to another.

This does not mean to stop seeking. It just means waking up to the present and looking for what you can learn and grow from in every situation. If we pass by life's gifts so swiftly and move to another job, another lover with the same attitude of "This isn't it," we will always be disappointed.

Recently, one of my greatest influencers, mentors and friends in my life told me she almost died. She was driving and another car went through a red light. When I heard this my heart felt like it escaped my body. She is ok and this incident reminded me to tell others how I feel about them. This is something so pure yet so tough for some of us. Just as when you are driving too fast it is easy to go through the red light; it is also easy to miss the point of why we are here and what we are doing here.

Instead of striving for more and more, aiming to lead a life of passion, commitment and joy will ultimately lead us down the highest path.
The " Ideal life" is just an idea, and the closest we come to an ideal life are the beautiful moments we come across on this path.

If you must strive, then first strive towards attaining a powerful inner-self and inner balance. This will also save us much time and energy. Have you ever noticed how when things are not going our way we not only an inner monologue but also a dialogue with those around us? What does this bring us? The time spent speaking to someone about yet another situation could be spent speaking directly to the person that can do something about it or of how to create new possibilities.

I like to think of there being a silver lining in all situations. It is the transformation that occurs when you are aware of any given situation you find yourself in and taking responsibility. It can be as simple as switching the way you think about something or someone and going in with a positive mind frame. The way you come across to those around you does matter and can transform a situation by taking steps towards a win/win situation.

Changing your perception just takes stepping out of your own way. When we get caught up in thinking about the ideal time, place or person we want to get to, our ego often is playing center stage. Removing the ego from that central position and understanding that life itself is neutral, no judgment need occur, both of others and us. We are often so hard on ourselves.

Once we get that life is a path filled with both challenges and moments of satisfaction as opposed to rainbow-like ideal at the end of the path, we can begin to go into each situation with our best foot forward. This is the mindset that can also spare us a lot of aggravation and precious hours, which we can use to create more of what we would like to see on our life's path. The truth is what matters to us right now and what we are doing about it currently to create what we want.