Although I rarely read magazines of any kind, I was gifted a subscription to one. Because it had made it to the top of the stack of reading material on the kitchen table, I flipped through it as I slurped my spaghetti squash, spinach, mushroom, zucchini, and tomato sauce -- made from prime specimens out of my garden -- concoction.
Now, I do realize that I'm not your average American with my vegetarian, label reading, mostly unprocessed diet, daily yoga or exercise, and meditation habits. Some people may even label me extreme. I know my kids are more than tired of hearing my sermons, as they call them.
But, surely I can't be the only one disgusted by the focus of the media, all the Black Friday promotions, and the season of gluttonous consumerism that we're going into this time of year.
Of course being the November issue, the main focus of the magazine was Thanksgiving recipes. Although the dishes did sound and look delicious. (No matter how much I will them not to, my taste buds still like the not-good-for-me stuff.) However, I couldn't help but cringe at the thought of how bad for me "Pumpkin Tart with Whipped Cream & Almond Toffee" or "Pepper Bacon Fried Turkey" had to be for my body.
As I flipped through the pages, an insanely attractive woman promised me that her product would make me "sleep like a baby." Who looks like that when they're going to bed? Certainly not me in my stained tee-shirt, sweat pants, and fuzzy socks. Want to know what else can help you sleep like a baby? Physical exercise. Learning to calm your mind. Relaxation and breathing practices.
On another page, I learned that an oversized glass and bronze light fixture costing $1,260 could make my small dining space feel bigger. So, that's what I've been missing all this time. Never mind that I don't even have a dining room. For that kind of money, I could almost add one, make a big dent in my monthly bills, or make a difference in the life of someone less fortunate or the lives of many animals. One light fixture? Really?
Next, Julia Roberts flashes her signature smile and tells me that "life is beautiful" with the "fragrance of happiness." The page has one of those panels oozing the scent which kind of chokes and overwhelms me like the cosmetics section of a department store. I'm willing to bet that the perfume doesn't have any essential oils known to actually elevate a person's mood. Smelling that for very long would put me in an awful mood and give me a headache.
To the magazine's credit, there was a politically correct ad for a bank with a woman in a wheelchair, an ad for a stevia sweetener, and four pages of salad recipes.
The dream life portrayed on those pages is just that, a dream
Like so much of the media we're inundated with everywhere we turn these days, the magazine left me feeling inadequate, not happier than before opening its cover, and promoted unhealthy lifestyle habits. And here's the kicker: These things are pushed on us as the standards that we're supposed to aspire to and with which we end up comparing ourselves.
If I didn't make and serve the right dishes for Thanksgiving dinner in a stunning dining room on a fabulously set table, I wasn't living up to the ideal of the hostess with the mostest. If I had trouble sleeping, all I had to do was down a magical sleep inducing elixir and problem solved. According to the magazine, I could dab a bit of happiness on my wrists and behind my ears.
Decades ago in another life, I used to buy into this illusive crap and would spend hours planning and preparing a Thanksgiving meal, decorating my home the "right way," and trying to look like the women in the magazines. While there's value in these activities -- if you get enjoyment out of them, but I did them for all the wrong reasons, stemming from a sense of lack and needing approval.
Although I did cook some fantastic food, if I do say so myself, created a comfortable, stylish home for my family, and kept in shape out of vanity, you know what my efforts ultimately got me? Depressed, unhappy, and exhausted. Despite my best efforts, I never even came close to achieving a life that looked anything like the one depicted on those glossy pages, because it doesn't exist.
Now that I know better, I do better. I cleaned up my eating habits, exercise and practice yoga, have greatly simplified my lifestyle, and minimized my needs, while making it a habit to find gratitude for the small joys in my life. I now appreciate the little things that I previously completely overlooked and took for granted.
Gratitude has been proven to make you happier. And you know what? Gratitude and mindfulness sure have worked wonders for me. After decades of being angry and depressed, I'm the happiest and mentally healthiest I've ever been.
On their deathbed, I'm pretty sure that no one ever thought, "I should've gone with a warm beige in the living room instead of that green" or "I should've fixed the cranberry salad with the pistachios for Thanksgiving that year." When put like that, these decisions sound pretty trivial -- laughable even -- because, well, they are when you zoom out and consider the big picture.
Gratitude can also good be for your health. A materialistic mindset has been linked to unhappiness, depression, unhealthy relationships, and narcissism, and is remedied by mindfulness. Ironically, the more a person pursues happiness, the less happy they become. The Huffington Post article "The Key Ingredients You Need To Be Happier" quotes June Gruber, professor of psychology at the University of Colorado Boulder, as saying:
If your spotlight is so strongly focused on how you can become happy, that actually backfires, paradoxically, and people report feeling less happy the more they try to pursue it. Don't focus on the pursuit of happiness; focus on other people, things you're grateful for and doing things for others as opposed [for] yourself.
Living with gratitude and mindfulness will bring you more health and happiness. Seems to me that Thanksgiving -- and every day for that matter -- should be about appreciating the good that's present in our lives, not about the perfect dish, dining room, or light fixture.
So, this Thanksgiving instead of the holiday being a four-day weekend food-fest that marks the kickoff of the frenzied holiday shopping season, treat your brain, body, and mind with kindness and respect and find gratitude and joy in the details of the life that you have right now: family, friends, a good laugh, the sun shining, a walk in the woods, the companionship of a furry friend -- and maybe even that ugly light fixture you've always hated hanging in the dining room.