According to news reports, Vice-President Dick Cheney - or a man closely resembling him - appeared on Fox television earlier today and "took responsibility for the shooting." This announcement will mollify one side of the ideological divide and enrage others. Unsure which side of the divide you come down on? Take this easy test to find out.
(A) Pharmaceutical companies should be liable for marketing drugs they know have potentially fatal side-effects
(B) The people who died were unfit, otherwise they would have survived. Read your Darwin (if you can find a copy).
(A) The people who knew the levees in New Orleans were weak and did nothing to fix them should own up and face the consequences
(B) The people whose homes were destroyed are better off; they got an upgrade to the Houston Astrodome.
(A) Rape-crisis centers are right when they say: don't blame the victim.
(B) The victim should have worn a burkha.
(A) Corporations, oil cartels and mining companies should be accountable for the contamination of the environment and the negative effects on the health and well-being of the people living in it
(B) Sick people are whiny. I hate them.
(A) Responsible hunters make sure there's no one in the line of fire before they shoot their gun.
(B) Guns don't kill people. People coming up behind you kill themselves.
More (A) answers than (B) answers means you're a real Conservative who thinks "personal responsibility" means "not my responsibility" - you know like the real Dick Cheney.
More (B) answers than (A) answers means you're a Democrat or a Republican with a sense of civic responsibility. Go f*** yourself.