THE BLOG

Who Are You Pointing At?

Whenever we blame someone else for anything, we are non verbally (and sometimes physically) pointing our finger at them!

I am sure you have heard that described in the past at pointing your finger at somones, means there are THREE pointing back to you!

Recently, an alert reader, pointed out to me that we ignore the position of the thumb -- which is usually pointing upwards.

So why is that significant? In several ways.

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One, because it's a great reminder for us that whenever we point the finger at someone, not only are we three parts to blame but we usually forget to consider the whole picture. To look at all the components contributing to the current situation.

Two, if you are spiritually inclined, it is a reminder to look towards God (or whatever you believe in) and remind yourself to look at the person and situation as God would look at it -- with love, compassion and understanding! To consider the spiritual wisdom that might be behind the current events or even to consider forgiveness!

Since I started thinking about this, I try to do it when I have a "disagreement" with my husband! We ALL point the finger at others at times -- we either blame them out loud or silently condemn them for causing us grief!

So the last time I did this -- it was a silent "blaming!" Where I was feeling hard done by, feeling sorry for myself as, once again I was a mere innocent victim of his random mood!

Suddenly, the image of my hand pointing at him flashed through my mind! Darn. I realized I had to take SOME responsibility and look at my own actions leading up to this particular event. OK, well quite a LOT of responsibility!

I also needed to do a little reframe from God's perspective -- to look at the situation from above -- seeing the WHOLE picture and acknowledging ALL the elements that we in play.

How many times do we point the finger at someone at work -- we blame them for being incompetent or useless or irritating or annoying. We make it very personal -- particularly as leaders.

And of course, everyone needs to take responsibility for their own actions BUT many times there are other circumstances and YOU... yes, YOU... contribute significantly to the behavior that annoys you!

Have you ever noticed that when you stop reacting to something a person does that annoys you, they either stop doing it -- or it just seems to disappear as an issue?!

Or when your first reaction is compassion and an attempt to understand, YOU remain calmer and deal with life's curve balls much better?

Pointing our finger can become a really useful tool to remind us to be forgiving, to use compassion, to check our own actions before we cast aspersions at another; to be a better parent (remember -- we are a large factor in who our children are), to be a better leader -- and just plain old responsible for our actions!

Imagine if you introduced this symbol to your family or your work "family" -- if you taught everyone what it REALLY meant!

It would be something you could do with a smile if you suspect someone is silently blaming you! Or even if they are overtly blaming you!

Do it when you find yourself blaming someone else to trigger a) looking at your own contribution and b) to consider the higher spiritual truth going on; or to trigger forgiveness if it is necessary -- or just to remind you to be compassionate and be kind.

Discuss this over dinner tonight and make it a family ritual to use with humor -- asking each other (if you hear blaming happening or victim like statements) "you wouldn't be doing this would you?"!

It might even start a new trend at work or home where people not only take more responsibility for their own actions but also more consistently consider the bigger picture or spiritual wisdom in situations.

WHOO HOOO -- wouldn't that be special!

LOOK for chances to practice your new symbol and discover the spiritual wisdom that underpins everything in our lives.

Until next time!

Zooties

Amanda Gore

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