Someone Stole A Ton Of Very, Very Valuable Bull Semen

Who would have the balls to do such a thing?

Bullshit may not be worth much, but bull semen is another story. 

Fifty thousand dollars worth of bull semen was stolen out of a truck in Turlock, California, late Sunday night, according to KOVR. 

That's right. Bull semen. As in, the product of a teenage bull's wet dream. You get the idea.

So why on earth is it worth so much, you ask? This particular sperm came from the top one percent of the world's bull population, the Hugh Hefners among heifers. It holds a lot of genetic value, and is used to impregnate cattle around the world.

The stolen fluids in question was reportedly enough to impregnate more than 1,000 cattle, who are now udderly disappointed by this sick act of thievery.   

The victim of the theft, Anthony Reis, told KOVR that it took months to collect the valuable genetic material. We'd rather not imagine that process. 

"You're trying to make a living," he said, "The loss of all those units of semen and probably taken by someone who had no idea what they were stealing is very frustrating."

Here's hoping the thief comes forth and returns the stolen goods to its rightful owner. Let's just hope it doesn't take an act of bovine intervention. 

Anyone with information regarding the missing semen is asked to call the Turlock Police department. 

Watch the KOVR's local news report of the fiasco below: 


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