Who Likes Donald Trump? Read This

By winning Tuesday's Republican primary in Indiana, billionaire real estate developer Donald Trump eliminated his remaining two rivals, U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz and Ohio Gov. John Kasich, and became the presumptive GOP nominee for president.

Trump is poised to become the least popular candidate to represent a political party in modern times.

A Washington Post story reported that 75 percent of women have an unfavorable opinion of Trump. So do nearly 67 percent of independents, 80 percent of young adults, 85 percent of Hispanics and nearly half of Republicans and Republican-leaning independents.

In addition, moe than 80 percent of dogs growl at the sound of Trump's name.

These statistics suggest that everyone and nearly everything hates Donald Trump.

This, of course, isn't true.

There are people who like him. You see them on television hissing at journalists, waving Confederate flags, and beating up anti-Trump demonstrators.

But who are these people?

Malarkey Research released a survey Thursday that identified the demographics of Trump supporters.

"We were surprised at how many people like Donald Trump," Truly Malarkey, president of Malarkey Research, said. "But, frankly, these aren't the kind of people you'd want to invite to your house for dinner."

Here is a summary of Malarkey Research's findings on Trump supporters:

97 percent say professional wrestling is real and global warming is false.

96 percent self-identify as "obnoxious jerks."

95 percent believe that there's nothing wrong with our democracy that a dictator can't fix.

93 percent say the poor are responsible for the War on Poverty.

92 percent say women are responsible for the War on Women.

91 percent say they tend to speak their minds, regardless of whether they have one or not.

90 percent like Trump because he puts the "bully" in bully pulpit.

84 percent eat lead-base paint chips.

83 percent think the Constitution is a now-defunct Trump casino in Atlantic City.

83 percent think the Ku Klux Klan is a service organization.

82 percent were not aware that Trump blew much of his inheritance on charm lessons.

80 percent eat their Trump steaks raw.

79 percent think there's a "k" in education.

78 percent agree with Trump that the Statue of Liberty's torch should be removed and she should instead raise her middle finger.

78 percent of people say Jefferson Davis was the best president in American history.

78 percent graduated from high school (or at least know someone who did).

77 percent attended Trump University because of its football team.

76 percent move their lips if they read.