IT'S YOUR FAULT.
Ever said or thought those words before in relationship?
It is so easy to assume that if 'he' were different, you would be happier.
As much as fairytales try to teach us that, it just isn't true. What it actually is, is an indicator that your emotional maturity could use a boost because your Little Girl may be running parts of the reaktionship show.
You must be willing to ask yourself, "Am I coming from that little girl who ultimately feels needy for love and thinks he can rescue me? Or am I standing in the space of the adult woman who knows who she is, what she wants, and is committed to to meeting this -- both within herself and through the choices she makes with men and recognize that she contains the power to be happy?"
Extraordinary Love happens when you are connected to yourself as a woman, coming from your essence rather than your ego and the unmet needs of the little girl.
Hurt feelings and unmet needs from adolescence can turn into a vicious cycle of disappointment and even worse, resignation. When you are motivated by the fears of the younger girl within, you make choices that can cause suffering - either by dating the wrong men, not being yourself or saying one thing when you actually feel another.
As an adult, it is your responsibility to ensure this doesn't happen. It is up to you to look out for your well-being and have healthy boundaries especially if your younger self was hurt in the past.
Relationship happiness starts with knowing who you are, what you stand for and what is real for you at your core - while learning how to make choices that serve your highest good.
It is important to know where you are coming from and who is running the show by recognizing that different parts of you do show up in relationship.
Growth occurs through learning how to come from your soulful woman vs the hurt ego of the little girl.
Becoming aware of how you are showing up on your own behalf in your life overall, especially with men, is a powerful way to build self-trust that you will take exquisite care of yourself in the process of loving with a full and open heart.
Many women are conditioned to turn against their own needs when relating with men and this self-betrayal is the primary cause of a lot of pain that women suffer from. By addressing shadow habits of self-abandonment and self-betrayal in relationship is a powerful way to reclaim your power.
I was speaking with a woman yesterday who just enrolled in my upcoming 'Grow Stronger Together...In Love' group program about her intentions to be more emotionally balanced when dating and to not take it so personally if a new suitor 'ghosts', and we discussed this powerful distinction (which I am going to tell you about below), and the amount of relief that came over her face when I told her an entire Module in the program was devoted to Maturity which will directly influence her ability to choose more wisely - well, I immediately could see that she was ripe and ready to grow herself in this area!
So let's meet Wise Woman vs The Little Girl - two key aspects that every single one of us have inside and show up in relationship.
By meeting them, you become more aware of who is in charge of your thoughts at that time, and when you have awareness, you can choose more readily.
The Little Girl
Driven by wishful thinking + lives in hopeful fantasy
Emotionally hurt, volatile, reactive = defensive
Stays even when she knows she needs to leave
Doesn't speak up or is overly demanding
Pretzels herself + feels like she is not enough
Assumes negative intent = blames him
Boundaries non-existent (collapses on her needs) or boundaries over-developed (overly rigid barriers)
Driven by reality + makes space to watch him reveal who he is (not who she hopes he will be)
Stays if it is working and leaves if it is not
Speaks up for herself from centered place
Honestly shares her likes/dislikes + is comfortable with who she already is
Assumes positive intent = accepts him
Healthy emotional, mental and physical boundaries = knows when to yield and when to stand strong
I invite you to observe yourself today. Just notice, am I coming from the Little Girl or am I coming from my Wise Woman? What's it feel like when I am in my Wise Woman? What's it feel like when my Little Girl is up? What provokes either one?
The key here is found within your awareness to see who has been running the show, and to ask yourself if it's working for you. Are you happy, well-loved and feel cherished and adored? Or are you chronically frustrated, disappointed and hurt?
My hope is that you, too, experience the joys of living in your Wise Woman and experiencing extraordinary love.
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