I used to think perfectionism was what made me successful. It wasn't until I entered my 20s when I realized I could no longer keep up with my own unrealistic expectations. I became depressed and overwhelmed by my attempts to feel successful through busyness. At one point, I was juggling full-time graduate school, an internship, and two jobs. I wasn't happy and my busy schedule didn't protect me from the truth. I knew that my calling wasn't to be a psychologist, however I didn't know what I was meant to do.
Brené Brown defines perfectionism as the "20-pound shield we carry around hoping that it will keep us from being hurt." Through our perfectionism, we can stay safe in the land of possibilities doing amazing things in our minds, but never taking action in the real world.
You become the talented artist who can ride the memories of successful exhibits many years ago. The writer who is unwilling to do what Anne Lamott calls "the shitty first draft." And for entrepreneurs, perfectionism will literally prevent you from earning a living because success depends on your ability to turn your ideas into practical actions that result in a profitable business. Otherwise, it's simply a hobby.
What's the cost of maintaining your perfectionism? I've had many of my clients describe it like this: "I don't want to die in a sea of regrets wishing that I wasn't so afraid to take risks. I want to use my gifts and talents in this lifetime."
Courage is ultimately what you need to meet the challenges at work. It's the antidote to shame, a complex emotion that would prefer you wear a cloak of invisibility and never dare to follow your dreams.
I believe perfectionism is a dream killer. You can pretend that your obsession with perfection is based on your seemingly high standards. You may even get sympathy from your friends, but the truth is you need to tame this dragon so you can thrive in your work life.
Since letting go of my rigid perfectionism, I've found much more success and happiness in my business and personal life (I even finally got married!).
Here are some ways to let go of perfection's grip and maintain a healthier mindset:
1. Keep the focus on service.
Perfectionism keeps us in our heads and self-focused, while dropping into our heart can help us remember who we want to reach and impact. From this place, you can ask a powerful question: How can I be of service? What difference can I make? What gifts or talents can I contribute? YOU have brilliant gifts and the world needs them!
2. Let go of what others think of you.
Perfectionism is often rooted in the imagined judgments of others. What if I don't measure up? What if no one reads my latest blog post, the one where I bared my soul? If that happens, you have to remember that your business is not about popularity. At the end of the day, it's about trusting yourself and making the choices that you believe are right. As we become more visible, there will be judgments. But we have to pick ourselves up and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and share ourselves with prospects, clients, and the world. To do otherwise is to risk not living our purpose.
3. Self-compassion is the key.
Above all, you need to be kind to yourself and embrace your imperfections because they really do make you unique and lovable. It's so important to know how to forgive yourself and to allow the possibility of failure. Today, I had a great coaching session with an artist who finally gave herself permission to create crappy art. Guess what? She's enjoying the creative process again!
4. Be willing to take courageous and imperfect action.
Courage is the hallmark of success in life. You must be willing to step outside your comfort zone so that you can move in the direction of your dreams. Remember, anything worth doing well is worth doing badly. Courage is the muscle you want to flex. Perfectionism is always rooted in fear. Fear that you won't be successful. Fear that you won't be liked. Fear that you won't live up to your standards. In order to step outside the perfectionism zone, you have to be willing to be brave and courageous.
5. Develop a support team.
Perfectionism thrives in isolation. You need to know that you have at least one person--or preferably a team -- who has your back when you decide to take risks. This could be a coach, an entrepreneurial support group, or even a best friend.
Perfectionism can be toxic, but it can also be overcome. The best thing you can ever do for yourself or your business is to take courageous risks. We all know our proudest moments have come when we accomplish something we believed we couldn't do. My hope for you is that you learn to let go of the unattainable "perfect" and instead, embrace life, business, failures and mistakes. Trust me, it makes all the difference.