These days it seems every text thread starts with a Ding and ends up with a Dong.
How'd we get here? And more importantly, how do we leave? First, we need to understand that men have been sending dic pics way before smartphones soiled their first text thread.
Egyptian gods and pharaohs proudly displayed their junk in hieroglyphs. And office workers have pressed their parts into copy machines since the dawn of the cubicle (always pressing the ENLARGE button before photocopying, of course).
But unsolicited dic pics are a puzzling, and sometimes hilariously disturbing phenomena that belongs solely to the digital age. Note that the phrase "dic pic" seems orphaned without the modifier "unsolicited." The two seem to go hand-in-well, never mind.
Recently, I did an informal survey of the male readers to my sex advice column, asking if they'd ever sent an unsolicited dic pic and why. I've categorized the answers thusly:
1. It's Porn. And Who Doesn't Love FREE Porn?
These guys believe that women watch porn with the frequency and burning urgency that they do. Following the logic that they themselves want a shot of your pudendum, they believe you clearly would want a view of their goods.
2. It's A Chance To Be Pervy. Like Shouting At A Girl From A Moving Car.
These guys enjoy the power that comes from forcing a woman to look at their yogurt chucker. It's the digital version of being a flasher. Who needs to be in a dark alley wearing a raincoat when you can do it in broad daylight in the comfort of your own popcorn-strewn couch?
3. It's A Way Of Getting Attention.
These are the guys who can't get the desired responses from the women they're interested in so they use dic pics as an attention-getting device.
4. An Honest Belief That You Want His Manhood In The Worst Way.
These guys think that women approach sex the way men do--that you want (or wouldn't mind) an emotionally un-connected sexual experience.
5. A Belief That His Penis Size Will Make Up For His Credit Score.
Let's face it, some guys don't have much to offer a woman so they rely on the one thing they might have over their competitors--a pretty peepee or an exceptionally large one. A girlfriend once exclaimed that her boyfriend was so well endowed when he dropped his drawers a sign popped up that said, "Buffering..." THOSE are the types of guys most likely to send you unsolicited dic pics.
5. They Misinterpreted Your Texts.
This one will surprise a lot of women. According to these men, no, you didn't specifically ASK for the dic pics but you hinted at it. You might have sent a pic of yourself in a sexy negligee ("Me, just hanging out") as a way of flirting with him, but he took it as a sign that the thread was heading to the destination he wanted so why not take a shortcut and go commando on the pics? There are so many things wrong with this interpretation but I think it's an honest one. Studies have repeatedly shown that men are AWFUL not only at picking up signals of interest but also at interpreting them correctly.
So what's a woman to do? Not much, as the reasons for sending unsolicited dic pics have more to do with men's own faulty interpretations than anything women are doing. The real question is what you do once you get them. And we'll talk about that in next week's column.
Michael Alvear is the founder of the dating and sex advice website, Get The Girl.