I did it! I popped the question to my boyfriend. Why, you may ask? I had a really intimate conversation with Tashera Simmons, DMX's ex-wife.
Who!? DMX, the rapper. Yes, the rapper.
Tashera Simmons was a cast member on a show named "Starter Wives" on TLC. The premise of the show was following the lives of six women who were ex-wives to men who become famous and wealthy. These women helped launch the careers of these now well-known celebrity figures including Lamar Odom (Khloe Kardashian's ex-husband) and Floyd Mayweather. My boyfriend Josh (well I guess, thanks to me, now I can now say finance) worked on the show and I got the opportunity to know and become friends with Tashera. I spoke to her the week before I proposed, when she told me she was finally ready to get remarried.
It took her 10 years after her divorce to finally be able to say those words. She wasn't dating anyone special at the time, but rekindling with an old flame because she wasn't ready when he was initially pursuing her. She said, "Ask me five years ago, and I couldn't tell you that I was even remotely ready."
Having this heart-to-heart with her really made me look inside myself and evaluate where I am in my life. I thought, I am five years divorced. How do I feel about marriage at this moment in time?
I have to say, if it weren't for the show "Connected," I do not think I would have worked through the issues surrounding my divorce like I did. The show was a blessing, and in a way therapeutic, because I tackled my baggage head on. It forced me to confront my divorce, which was holding me back from moving forward in my life.
I told Tashera "10 years! Oh no... That's a long time!"
She replied, "It's because I never dealt with it."
This was like turning on a lightbulb inside my head. My divorce, my first marriage, is over! That chapter in my life is complete and I don't want to wait 10 years to turn the page and begin the next chapter. I have a beautiful life right in front of me and it's time to stop living in the past and enjoy the now.
After that eye-opening conversation, I was ready to take the bull by the horns. I met my boyfriend in Jamaica, where he was working, and I brought a ring with me. This was not just any ring though. It was a cock ring! My plan was to tell him that his penis was the last one I ever wanted to see, unless I gave birth to a little boy, of course.
Then I thought, "No, I want to propose for real." So while we were at the beach, I told him I needed to buy sunblock from the gift shop but instead I snuck off to the jewelry store and purchased a ring. I made reservations for a beautiful dinner on the beach and was excited for the evening.
At dinner I was awkward and nervous, though the environment could not have been more perfect. The sound of the waves and the moonlight over us was divine. At the beginning of the dinner I gave him the cock ring and we laughed it off as a funny gag. But at the end of dinner I did it. I put on my big girl pants, got down on one knee and popped the big question.
It isn't easy to do, and I have to commend these men who go out of their way to do it! He was completely stunned and kept looking around like he was on a hidden camera show. He accepted with a huge smile and now after four weeks he has re-proposed to me.
It's pretty awesome to feel so good about planning your life with a wonderful partner who wants the same things as you. I recently heard a saying, that airplanes don't have rear view mirrors. I agree. They just keep on going and don't look back.
My heart feels so wonderful as I realize I'm free of the past that once haunted me, and I am ready to make new memories and life plans without restrictions. Life is not a dress rehearsal and I'm finally ready for my debut!