It feels like I never have a chance to just be.
I have a to-do list that never seems to get fully checked off, a thriving coaching practice with client calls and emails, a gym membership, and friends that I try to keep up with.
Add a house and baby to the mix and some days it feels like I will never catch up.
If I'm being honest, there is this part of me that feels guilty for taking time to myself. If Kai is with his nanny, the house is clean, and all my client calls are finished for the day, I feel badly if I spent an hour just watching TV, taking a nap, or doing nothing when Peter is at work.
Recently a client asked me "is doing dishes and cleaning all there is to adulthood?"
I almost had to laugh. Because some days, it really feels like this.
We wonder what happened to that precious time in our lives when we could play outside without any worry of being productive or not. When we could lay in bed for hours with our partner having great sex, forgetting that we may be tired or thirsty or hungry. When we would have that extra glass of wine last night and stay up a little longer just because we feel like it.
Life is meant to make us happy, not just tired.
So when a friend of mine recommended a book called "Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives" I definitely wanted to read it.
This book talks about the need for Sabbath in our increasingly busy lives. Not in a religious way, but in a way that allows us to pause, breathe, and start anew. It reminds us that the true joy of our lives are made up of those moments when we stop. When we are with the people we love. When we take a long bubble bath. When we go for a walk outside. When we cuddle with our person. I offer more ways to practice self-love in my free guide here.
That we are allowed to rest.
It reminded me of a trip I took to Israel when I was 23 and spoke to a young woman who said she always practiced Sabbath. She just loved the ritual she grew up with of having friends over for dinner on Friday night.
This memory stayed with me but I never had the courage to actually do anything about it.
Then my husband got sick for a few weeks which left me struggling to keep up with everything on top of my business. One night we sat down and he said to me, "when I feel better, I want to do things differently."
We talked about our goals, what we truly needed and didn't need, and how we were beginning to feel like our house owned us rather than the other way around.
I decided it was time to begin creating a Sabbath for myself and my family.
From Friday to Saturday evening I turn off my phone, tuck it in a little box, and cook a really nice dinner. We spend the next day relaxing or adventure-ing. Whatever we decide to do, it has to be rejuvenating. No chores, errands, or work allowed.
One day I spent a blissful few hours in this hammock with nothing but a book and my baby.
I know you may be thinking "there is no way I could possibly turn off my phone (not do errands/chores/you name it) for an entire day!"
Look, I didn't think I could either. But I now realize that it's actually more dangerous not to.
Here's what I've noticed since I began this practice:
- Anxiousness always comes up at first about turning off my phone. This takes a little while to pass.
- That by Saturday evening I have no desire to turn back on my phone.
- That I feel much more rested and energized starting off my week.
- I feel more connected to my husband.
- I feel like a better mom because I put aside this time to play with Kai.
- I get more done during the week because I create focused pockets of time so that I can take time off.
- I've had fun getting creative about what I can do on Saturday. Sometimes it's nothing. Sometimes it's going for a hike. Sometimes it's checking out a new restaurant.
You control your life and your time. It is up to you to create space for yourself, your family, relaxation, and fun. No one else is going to do it for you.
Some ideas for Sabbath:
- Turn off your computer and your phone for a set amount of time. Tuck it away somewhere.
- Take a long walk outside.
- Draw yourself a bubble bath with candles and soft music.
- Meditate or pray.
- Read an enjoyable book.
- Write in your journal.
- Sleep in late and have great sex.
- Play with your dogs or kids.
- Make dinner with your favorite Pandora station on and glass of wine.
- Get a massage.
- Talk to someone you love. Give them your full and undivided attention.
- Take a nap.
I want you to know this: you deserve a Sabbath. Whether that's an entire day, hour, or 10 minutes. You deserve to take a pause, breathe, and re-center. I promise your life will be waiting for you when you come back.
Love,
Alexis
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