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Why I Question My Marriage Regularly

Though it seems completely counterintuitive, regularly questioning my marriage actually keeps me even more committed to it.
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I question my marriage all the time. When my husband and I get into a fight because he's so stubborn it pisses me off to the point of throwing things of across the room, I ask myself if it's possible for us to peacefully coexist. When I feel disappointed because he doesn't spoil me with presents or capitulate to all my demands, I ask myself if he is really capable of giving me everything that I need.

But here's the thing: I know that he is the love of my life, my soulmate, and I am wholeheartedly certain that there is no one else in the world for me than him. He is THE ONE! But I also know that, if push came to shove, I don't need him.

Questioning my marriage gives me the self-confidence to know I can be successful outside my marriage. It gives me an out. Perhaps that sounds messed up coming from someone who made a vow of marriage less than four years ago. Though it seems completely counterintuitive, regularly questioning my marriage actually keeps me even more committed to it.

Here's why:

  • Questioning my marriage means I can make no excuses when I'm unhappy. And that keeps us both happy.

  • Questioning my marriage keeps me honest about why my husband really is the love of my life - because we have a love based on trust, respect, balance, and complete commitment to each other. When we fight, we don't sweep it under the rug and harbor bitterness or resentment. We figure out a way to fix it...eventually. (Marriage is work!)
  • Questioning my marriage gives me the confidence to know that it is not based on complacence or codependency.
  • Questioning my marriage is the freedom to check in with myself and to not be ashamed of how my life turned out.
  • Questioning my marriage keeps my marriage healthy!
  • When searching for inspiration for my wedding vows, I found these words:

    "I will work every day to make myself a better person. I promise I will not ask you to complete me. I will not ask you to fix me when I'm broken."

    My actual wedding vows were quite a bit more romantic, but I think they're perfect for this post. My husband and I work together to become better people. We support each other, but we're not codependent or needy. To us, questioning our marriage is the key to a successful marriage.

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