I want to know love again.
I want to recognize that moment when the word is stuck trying to climb out of your throat while it's pulsing at the very brim of your heart. I want to recognize it when it's slipping off of your tongue and tumbling like fireworks from your eyes.
I don't want to get to know heartbreak again. I am through imagining the past, debating what ifs, regretting mistakes, and questioning the heart that lives between my ribs. I am done with repairs, with excuses, and with the doubts that linger between sleepless nights.
I want to know love again. I want to feel the type of way the makes you feel guilty for being alive. I want to feel the way it feels when the world is upside down. When it's topsy turvy because reality turns out to be better than the wishes you used to leave on stars and birthday cakes when you were younger.
I don't want to get to know heartbreak again. I am done with misread messages, unrequited love, midnight memories, and with chasing ghosts. I do not want to fall, I do not want to break, I do not want to run anymore or to fight so hard any longer.
I want to know love again. I want to believe that somewhere he's out there looking at the same moon with the same dream and with the same future. I want to believe that that future could be one in the same. So every night I pretend to write my name on the moon in the hopes that one day he'll know me instantly.
I don't want to get to know heartbreak again. I am through clinging to broken hearts, the end of love songs, and falling in lust with passing souls on the sidewalk. I am over trading my name for a drink and trading a night for company. I am done not being enough.
I want to know love again. I want to wake relieved because the night is over and I have the day with you. I want to go to sleep comforted because I have nothing to lose with the morning sun or the ones to follow. I want to be certain and to hear the same conviction in the back of someone's throat when they say my name out loud.
I don't want to get to know heartbreak again. I don't want to be just friends, to wonder what sits in between the silence, or to daydream of things that are only my imagination. I don't want to lie to myself between tears, fears, and apologies. I don't want to be deaf to the advice of my family and friends.
I just simply do not want to know heartbreak again. I don't want to think of memoirs that already had their end and of stories that didn't make it past a single page. I want to write the history that is "us" without ever expecting an ending. I want to live inside a comma with someone, forever.
I want to know love again - or for the first time. I want to know the type of love that stays and doesn't go. I want the type of love that walks with you like a guardian, loves you like an eighth World Wonder, and cherishes you like you are theirs and they are yours. I want to know this love where "enough" is inconsequential because it will always be more.
I don't want to know heartbreak again. I don't want to shy from expectations because that's what people tell me to do. I don't want to silence my hopes and my dreams just because it hasn't worked out... Or because I'm scared that it won't, or because society scoffs as a young woman holding onto a young girl's fairy tale.
I want to know love. And until I do, you'll find me staring up at the moon. Wishing. Believing. Waiting, for you.