I have read so many things about relationships that is overwhelming. There are texts that establish that is more likely for smart women to remain single. I must say that so far, it has been true for me. I have dated men that said: "I am sorry, you're just so smart that I can't handle you." Sometimes I have thought about it just as a mere excuse. I am a plus size woman, even though I do not have issues with the way I look, it is still a taboo for many people and especially for many men to be seen with a girl that weights above the average. Of course, this is something I have been told directly: I am not too fit to be seen around with.
Lately, I have been noticing that a whole new different phenomenon is happening with me in the dating scene. There are these men that are not scared to hold my hand or be seen with me, but they are still somewhat "handicapped": they are married men.
Married men started to be something in my life about five years ago. I remember breaking up a relationship with a guy who cheated on me (and whose new girlfriend decided to attack me even though I was the one being cheated on) and been invited to go out by a guy who have spoke to me several times on Twitter. I accepted without any regrets and had a great time with him.
Lets say he was sort of a "public figure" and next day after that date I read in a newspaper that he was married and he had a baby. Definitely, I did not see that coming and I spent that whole day trying to understand why that date worked so well if he was married. He never said a word about being married, and kept on calling me. And yeah, it happened what I wanted the less: his wife found out that he was seeing me. She definitely came and started to fight. I tried to remain calm, and I told her the truth, something that many women do not believe when being in this situation. I told her something that unfortunately, I had to repeat a few other times to other women: Why do you come and fight only with me? If I'm here is because this was a mutual decision and I am not the one who is in a relationship with you.
My experience is that when wives listen to those words, they hate you 100 times more and I have my own theory on why: is because you are actually telling them their husbands are not the perfect men they thought they were. Wives will always want to fight the girl who they were cheated on with because they want to believe their men have been "forced" to cheat and that is never true.
I am not establishing that cheating is good by any means, as I am saying, being in this position of having to tell these things to other women, breaks my heart. Yeah, I still believe in female solidarity, and I also wish women were always more open to understand how men really are, regardless how much they love them.
I have already understood that dating for me is a challenge. I have already understood that the emotional handicapped creatures are men. Trust me, as I have mentioned earlier, I have been already cheated on and, as funny as it sound, this guy new girlfriend was the one to come and fight with me. I guess is just me that I always think that there are just so many fishes in the tank that I won't fight over any of them. I have cried over men because, who haven't done it when being in love? But I understood that is something I have to do at least for a week. After that, I get up of my bed, put up some make up and go out like nothing happened. There are just so many things in life to make it miserable for only one issue.
In this period of my life I must admit I am a little frustrated. All the men that are flirting with me are in some sort of a relationship, and I have been trying to understand why is that. I have jumped to the conclusion that it has to do a lot with what I have established in the beginning: Men who are married have already faced being with someone "perfect" and "exactly how they wanted". Now, after a few years they start to realize that "that plus girl with whom you didn't wanted to be seen" or "that smart girl who you could not handle" was actually something that could have filled you more emotionally-wise, but men need to fail to realize what they did wrong.
After being with that married guy I mentioned, I went through a few more others, and through a few more other cheated wives. I have been told I am a whore, I have been questioned many times if I feel guilty, and as I have always said, is not something I feel proud about but, I don't feel guilty since I am not the only one involved.
I don't know if this situation allows me to give advice to people, but I will definitely do it: Girls, if your boyfriend or husband's eyes don't look at you anymore filled with amaze, IS NOT YOUR FAULT, is only theirs. People can be totally in love a day, and the other don't. If a relationship doesn't work out anymore, don't force it and try to find that something that amazes you and that someone who looks at you amazed. Men: If you look at the eyes of a girl and cannot feel amazed, DO NOT MARRY HER AND BREAK HER HEART LATER ON.
There will always exist independent and smart women. There will always be women who men will not actually want to be seen with, like it happens with many plus size girls. Fellow girls: F** that. As strong women, there are just so many things about this world that can makes us happy. Try to keep on doing things that amazes you and the rest of the world. Unfortunately, the one who will notice how amazing you are, will actually get to notice when it is too late for him.