One of my pet peeves is our cultural tendency to label our children (or anyone for that matter). Yes, I know that categorizing is an inborn human habit and that some people find diagnostic labels helpful. That being said, I generally find that labels are far too limiting for the person being labeled as well as for those doing the labeling.
As a mom of a young daughter, one of the labels I have gotten to confront is that of a child who has “separation anxiety.” If you also have a child who sometimes struggles with leaving your presence, you too may have used this label or have had the label used for your child.
“Separation Anxiety” isn’t a problem
The problem with this label is that it turns normal, healthy behavior into “problem behavior.”
Now, don’t get me wrong. I know from personal experience that it is heart-wrenching when our child clings to us with all their strength, cries profusely, and begs us not to leave them at daycare or school. Our deepest fears as moms get evoked by these outpourings of intense emotions: What kind of mom would ever leave her wailing, flailing child behind? A true heart-less monster! But calling such outbursts “separation anxiety” merely adds more stress to our already overloaded mama brains.
“Separation Anxiety” is a normal and healthy behavior
These big emotions labeled “separation anxiety” are actually a natural and appropriate response of a child when the person to whom they’re deeply connected attempts to give them over to the care of a person to whom they have little or no bond.
Help your child feel bonded to other caregivers and their “anxiety” will ease
As I share in my video, when you acknowledge your child’s upset as appropriate instead of problematic, you set the stage for a different ― and typically more gentle and effective approach that allows your child to feel more comfortable being away from you.
When I saw my daughter through the filter of the “separation anxiety” label, I stood in judgment ― feeling upset, even resentful that she wouldn’t let me leave. When I stopped using this label and instead recognized my daughter’s reluctance to leave my care as a sign that she didn’t yet have a close relationship with the alternate caregiver, I was much more calm and caring in my response to her. From this place of understanding ― rather than the place of judgment I’d been standing in ― we found our way smoothly, easily, and even joyfully into new relationships built on trust, love, and a strong connection.
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I invite you to join the conversation about “separation anxiety” or delve into other parenting topics on The Conscious Moms’ Circle. You can find other parenting tip videos on my YouTube Channel, follow me on Twitter, find inspiring parenting quotes on my Pinterest Board, or find other resources on my website.