As an IVF Coach and an IVF patient, I get asked a lot of questions: questions regarding the treatment itself, about the emotions involved, how I handle my relationship with my husband, how I faced the disappointment of not becoming a mother naturally, etc., etc.
But there was one question, not long ago, that made me question what I was doing, and made me wonder if my calling ― coaching other women through their IVF journey ― is justified, and whether it made sense for me to continue doing it.
One of the members of my Facebook Group, The IVF Journey, who has been through more than six IVF cycles and is ready to give up, told me she was realizing that maybe she is not meant to be a mom, and she had many reasons to back up her opinion. That night I thought about it, and I told my husband that maybe her reason is the fact that our world is upside down.
I told him, “Does it makes really sense to fight so hard to bring a new soul into this world, when what we see most is sadness – violence against women, against children, not only between different cultures, religions or beliefs, but even between families? Does it makes sense that women like me, struggling to get pregnant naturally, go through all the difficulty of an IVF cycle, that drains us emotionally and physically, and takes a huge toll on our relationship with our significant other? Is it fair to bring a new life – full of pure love, fearlessness, and happiness, with no sense of what is bad or good – into this world?”
And I couldn’t hold these emotions in any more, and started to cry.
My husband looked into my eyes, and told me that it is absolutely worth all the work I do as a coach, as a voice to help other women reach motherhood through IVF, and as a mother myself after all the years of my own struggle. He said that the only way to shift the course of this world is to do what I’m doing, and to give women the opportunity to bring new life into it.
These babies, these new lives, these new souls, hold hope for this world to become a better place. But it is definitely in our hands as future parents (if we are still trying), and as current parents (if we already are), to teach and encourage these beautiful, unique souls to love unconditionally, to be compassionate, to understand others, and to understand that love is about others and not just about the self -– no matter what their race, religion, or sexual preference is. It is up to us to teach them that love without judging or condemning is the ultimate expression of kindness.
So the answer is absolutely YES, it is worth it to create life, no matter how – naturally or with the help of IVF or any other method (egg donor, surrogacy, etc). Bringing rainbow babies into this world is what will bring an eternal rainbow to the storm we are experiencing on our beautiful Mother Earth today.
My thoughts changed, my tears became tears of happiness, and that night I reaffirmed to myself that no, I can’t stop what I am doing, because I love to do so, because I was there, and because these beautiful new lives are truly the light that this world needs.
Babies are the ones who will make the world live in light.
Monica Bivas is a married mom of 3, born in Colombia and became an IVF Coach from her own struggle to conceive. She is helping women and couples no matter their choice, going through this fertility process, to approach it in a much positive way.