Why does a loving God allow such suffering and injustice in the world? Isn’t THAT the question that weighs heavily on us. It’s a question that keeps atheists firmly standing their ground or Christians seeking clarity. How could a Father see his children weep and grieve and be trapped in torment?
Those who know me know my story. My brother took his own life at the age of 25, 14 days after Christmas, 10 years ago. The ripples of that day can still be seen within our community. I saw my parent’s faith wavier and perhaps not fully recover. But I was young, only 20 at the time, letting this terrible thing only dent my optimism towards life and my future. My faith continued to grow and strengthen, leading me to my incredible husband, current employment and perspective on the world.
Well, turning 30 seemed a good enough time as any to start grappling with that HUGE, faith altering question.
March 2017 I found myself in the same company as that of my parents. My first child was taken too soon. I was 9 weeks pregnant, a statistic by all accounts. 1 in 4-5 women miscarry. But my sweet little one was alive, a precious heart stopped beating that we had seen twice before. Since I am an autoimmune blogger I should mention that my diagnoses did play a huge role. Any future pregnancies will now be closely monitored, prescribed many medications and doctors visits while knowing my chances for success will be less than the average. I add to my list of firsts, from all the changes in pregnancy to my first miscarriage, my first time under general anesthesia and the first time really asking God why?
I began reading and writing all things justice and fairness and was surprised at what I found. There is NO fairness in faith. It’s that simple. That is just not how it was designed nor was it how (I think) God intended it.
But Why?
Because there is no way WE could ever measure up. We are SO far in debt that the scales could never be in our favour. In a sense we were freely given 99 favours but now demand 1 more.
1 Peter 4:12-14 reminds us at how illogical we must be to feel surprised when tough situations happen, as though it’s shocking that we may need to suffer the smallest degree of what Christ felt. Every crappy situation should be a wake up call to all the suffering we DON’T have to bear. We should REJOICE! We are so ridiculously blessed that our God only allows what we can physically and emotionally handle. Everything else is on Him. How could we possibly feel wanting.
When we compare our own perceived injustice to others is when fairness seems the furthest. How true is it that the scars not seen can be twice as painful. Let’s stop keeping score of hardships with our peers and have trust that it all actually serves a greater purpose. I have been told I can be annoyingly optimistic but honestly this year almost broke me. I enjoyed feeling bitter. I lost trust in my world. But eventually I willingly picked myself off the floor and remembered how lucky I really am.
“Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.” Isaiah 38:17