I'm a liberal, Jewish woman. My best friend, Dawn, is an ultra-conservative, born-again Christian. As expected, our cemented views on politics, societal expectations, and even portions of our value systems could not be more incongruent. Due to our often-conflicting opinions on sensitive subjects, one would think time would eventually play out into a broken friendship, or, at best, drift into that friendship purgatory-- acquaintanceship. Name a controversial and/or social topic and we typically will not see eye-to-eye. We are on different pages--rather, entirely different books-- in regard to most religious and political subject matter. This potentially could cause great discomfort, but, in the end, Dawn and I have learned over the past 35 years that our friendship and devotion to one another supersede our need to win an argument or prove our point, regardless of the passion we feel for said subject.
Surprisingly, our differences have actually become strengths in our relationship.
Miraculously, our fierce loyalty to one another remains stronger than ever; not despite our differences, but in spite of them.
Every year that passes, the gaps in our political and religious compatibility seem to widen yet our friendship strengthens.
The explanation for the above is pretty straightforward. Because it is Dawn's adherence to her religion that has made her the person she is and, put simply, determines how she lives her life. It is these choices she has made that make her the incredible human being she is and how beautifully she contributes her best self to our friendship. Without her devotion to Christianity, she wouldn't be the same Dawn, the person I cherish and adore.
Our deep bond goes back to sixth grade. I knew in an instant, the second we met, that we would be friends for the rest of our lives. We fostered our friendship from that point on and our commitment to it is thicker than any other I've known. Through middle school, high school, college, jobs, marriages, kids, divorce (mine), we have been a wonderful constant in the other's life. We have a lovely and healthy dependence on one another.
But on paper, we really shouldn't want to invest our energy and time in the other; conventional wisdom states we would not enjoy one another's company and would lack respect for the other's views, and ultimately, the person herself. Due to the extreme differentials in our beliefs, many would ask why on earth one would choose to be so close to a species so entirely opposite from ourselves and what we hold close.
Yet Dawn and I have proven time and again that, contrary to popular belief, a true, deep, honest friendship isn't necessarily dependent upon similarities. While corresponding ideas and beliefs can energize and strengthen any relationship, I have learned through this particular friendship that, surprisingly, sometimes being at very opposite ends of the spectrum can actually have the same outcome--a phenomenal friendship. When you care so much about someone, the desire to prove that person incorrect or to attempt to convince them of your way pales in comparison to the importance of the friendship.
Because a true, solid friendship goes deeper than opinions--and even beyond certain values. Common ground isn't always a necessity to maintain a durable bond.
Regardless of our differing views and beliefs, neither of us would ever consider dipping a toe into judgment waters about the other's opinions. We have a strong, mutual respect for the other, notwithstanding our strongly opposing thoughts. Dawn has always encouraged and supported my connection to Judaism and has never tried to dissuade me for a second from holding firm my religious or political views. When my younger daughter had her bat mitzvah, Dawn was one of her biggest cheerleaders.
And from my end, even though Dawn's ideology and viewpoints are often far from those I adhere to, I respect that she holds these beliefs close, acts on them, and doesn't deviate from her solid commitments. In fact, I have more respect for her holding tight to her conservative and religious beliefs than I do for someone with my same beliefs but who is inconsistent in walking the walk. Because of this, I couldn't be more proud of Dawn nor could I possess more ardent admiration for her. The way she embraces her faith and actually lives the life required of that faith impresses me regularly. Though her walk isn't the walk of my religion, it is a walk of love nonetheless. She is the most genuine soul I've ever met and puts her value system into hard core action, not mere words.
So, with the ultimate irony, it was her unselfishness and grace, born from her Christian faith, which pulled me, her Jewish best friend, out of the darkest years of my life. I, who possess such opposing feelings to hers when it comes to religion and social issues, actually have benefitted from her religion, as that Christianity is the momentum behind Dawn. She caught me over and over when I had fallen hard during and after my very painful, unforeseen divorce. And still, to this day, her unwavering support is always at the ready. Her religion is what drives her to be the best person she can be, and therefore, able to give her best self to our friendship.
I have learned through this profound mixed-religion friendship that Dawn loves me for whom my Jewish upbringing intended me to be. And, subsequently, not only am I open-minded and accepting of the fact that my best friend's religion has made her who she is and the reason she is this very special individual, I am thrilled with it. It is Dawn's Christianity that has made her into the dear friend I adore, the human being I admire.
We have an unlikely friendship--and I wouldn't have it any other way.