Why We Need To Put The 'Play' Back In 'Play Sports'

Success in high school sports should be measured in fun, not goals scored.
Success in high school sports should be measured in fun, not goals, points or runs scored.
Success in high school sports should be measured in fun, not goals, points or runs scored.
Photo by Debra Silbar

A fellow soccer mom and I had an interesting exchange the other morning. Our freshmen sons are both on the same high school team, which has a pretty dismal record this year. And at the risk of incurring public shame and scorn, we are both actually just fine with it. Maybe the problem isn't the low number of goals our team scored but rather how we define a successful season?

Both our boys play competitive club soccer and can accurately be described as ferociously aggressive players. They like winning. They are trained to win. If they lose one of their club games, it becomes a long car ride home where plays are analyzed, coaches' reprimands discussed, goals to improve are set. Sometimes even tears are shed. It's an intense experience for 15-year-old boys. And that's what club soccer is all about.

Our high school soccer team experience is about as far away from that as you can get. Playing sports for your school is about having fun, showing some school spirit, and being on the team bus when it stops at In and Out Burger on the way home. Our team's success should be measured not by what the scoreboard says, but in how much fun the kids are having. And if my son is any barometer, his losing team is very successful. He loves hanging out with the guys, riding the bus to away games, and yes, getting to miss science for early-outs on game days. It's a joy to watch. He even smiles when he says things like "Our team kind of sucks but we're getting better."

He's having fun. How is that not winning? I'll take the fact that he is eager to go to daily practices and wants to go to games and sit on the bench while his broken foot heals as a sign that he's having a blast. Pasta feeds? He wouldn't miss them for the world, even though his own mother's pasta is made from scratch and far better. Team banquet? He can't wait.

As our conversation progressed, my fellow soccer mom sent me in the direction of the Changing the Game Project, whose mission is to return youth sports to the youths. Enough with the screaming coaches, the parents who get ejected from the stands for poor sportsmanship, the high school scouts who show up at middle school games hoping to recruit the latest wunderkind. Remember when soccer cleats didn't cost $300 and you didn't need a $400 baseball bat? Yes, team sports can be life-changing, but how about restoring some sanity to the process?

The saddest outcome of what's happened to youth sports is the number of kids who stop playing at a young age, contributing to the sedentary, non-athletic lifestyles in our country. An incredible 70 percent of kids drop out of organized athletics by age 13 because it's just not fun anymore, says the Changing the Game Project. And that, friends, is on us.

Let's face it: The lessons our kids learn on a sports field are life lessons. How about redefining success here to something other than "winning?" Getting to do what you love and having fun are also important life lessons. As Grandpa Milt says "Being happy and enjoying your life is success. Not the big house, nice cars, or having lots of money to spend on clothes. When you die, the only thing you have is your relationships and love."

Maybe that's what the scoreboard should be counting.

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