Food & Drink

Why You Should Always Bring Food To A Shiva (Or Any Memorial Service)

In the Jewish tradition, when someone dies, a seven day ceremony called shiva is observed following the burial. While every shiva tradition is different -- many families don't sit shiva for the full seven days, for example -- one thing is a near-guarantee for a modern mourning service: There will be food. A lot of it. Probably bagels.

Food is a built-in ritual when it comes to mourning, grief counselor Rob Zucker, the author of "The Journey Through Grief and Loss," told The Huffington Post. "During the shiva period, the bereaved are instructed not to prepare food but to receive food from family and friends," he said. The practice, common across many religious and cultural traditions, is to ensure those mourning are being taken care of emotionally, spiritually and nutritionally. Food has the capacity to fill a lot of emptiness.

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Mitzy At Home

Comfort food is crucial. Get the Easy Lasagna recipe from Mitzy At Home.

It's one of the first things people gift to the grief-stricken because it's nurturing: Food was the first commodity our parents gave us as newborns to ensure our survival, with no expectations in return. Food is coming home; it's safety.

Our relationship with food gets more complicated from there. Specifically, Zucker said, food, routine and memory are intricately tied. Those grieving a the loss of a spouse or partner may be overwhelmed by the task of cooking for one. Some widowers may not have been responsible for the cooking in their household, so taking on a whole new role can be daunting. Providing such people with food when they are learning to adapt to a new life can be incredibly helpful.

Get the Chicken Enchilada Rice Casserole recipe by Homemade Hooplah

"For many of us, after a loved one dies, going food shopping is a hard thing to do. It's very triggering," Zucker said. The supermarket is a social place; the bereaved may see people who don't know about the death or are uncomfortable talking about it. In his counseling experience, Zucker said it's very common for clients to notice acquaintances ignoring them in the store. Replenishing a loved one's food stock can help them to recover in their own time without having to subject themselves to experiences for which they may not be ready.

Get the Dark Chocolate Chunk Cookies recipe from Wright Family Table

Perhaps most importantly, food symbolizes love and care when words aren't enough or simply can't be found. When comforting a loved one, we sometimes mistakenly turn to cliched phrases in an effort to fill the silence. Darcie Sims, a late grief management specialist, often counseled that showing up is more powerful than offering an adage for the mourning. "Why must a moment between friends be filled with noise or empty platitudes or meaningless sounds of hollow comfort? Why can't two people simply be in the presence of each other, allowing that great strength to flow between them without any words to interrupt the message?" she wrote.

While many of us are not trained to be comfortable with silence, it's often the most powerful thing -- plus something tasty to eat -- that shows support.

"Sometimes it really is better not to say anything. That doesn't mean don't do something ... it means don't use words to fill up the space that sadness occupies," Sims wrote. "By all means, do something! Bring flowers, a casserole (not tuna, please), chocolate cookies, napkins, paper towels. Come help with the laundry, the childcare, the mail, the dusting. Drop off a ham, a turkey, a hug. Send a note, a lemon meringue pie, and a donation to my loved one's favorite charity. Slip a note into my pocket, a card in my mailbox, a hand into my empty one."

Find some more comfort recipes below:

1
Slow Cooker Chicken And Wild Rice Soup
Two Peas & Their Pod
2
Deviled Eggs
Simply Recipes
3
New Mexico Green Chile Stew
MJ's Kitchen
4
Funeral Potatoes
The Girl Who Ate Everything
5
Easy Shepherds Pie
Improv Oven
6
Chicken And Dumplings
Simply Recipes
7
Creamy Caprese Pasta
How Sweet It Is
8
New Potatoes With Cream And Lots And Lots And Lots Of Dill
Cook The Story
9
Smoked Salmon Quick Quiche
Foodie Crush
10
Cauliflower Mac & Cheese
Maura McEvoy
11
Ratatouille
Mimi Thorisson
12
Creamed Kale Gratin
Oui, Chef
13
Creamy Horseradish Mashed Potatoes
Tyler Florence
14
Brown Butter Brussels Sprouts Pasta With Hazelnuts
Two Peas & Their Pod
15
Easy Chickpea Curry With Coconut Rice
How Sweet It Is
16
Fontina Polenta And Easy Marinara
Foodie Crush
17
Vegetarian Rice Congee
Macheesmo
18
Autumn Minestrone Soup
Frances Janisch
Get the Autumn Minestrone Soup recipe
19
Baked Ziti
Simply Recipes
20
Southern Style Collard Greens
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21
Peanut Butter Fudge Pretzel Brownies
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22
Chocolate Cream Pie
Once Upon a Chef
23
The Mother In Law Cocktail
Vimeo: McSwayze Film.
This cocktail is perfect because you batch it in advance, then just pour it over ice in a rocks glass whenever you're ready. Perfect for gifting to those in need of a good, stiff drink.