Somebody recently asked me to describe the characteristics of the "best" and "worst" brides I've worked with over the past 10 years, through more than 500 weddings. I think she was expecting to hear some horrible stories about Bridezillas, and their outrageous behavior. I’m afraid my response disappointed her.
The worst brides to plan a wedding with, bar none, are the procrastinators.
Veteran wedding planner Sandy Malone explains why brides and grooms who can’t make decisions and constantly procrastinate make her nuts!
Maybe you think of yourself as an occasional procrastinator and you find my response sort of funny – I get it, I've been known to put off what doesn't need to be done today. But I’m talking about women (and their fiancés sometimes) who book their wedding date a year or more in advance, and then put everything off until the last minute. Frequently because they have trouble making decisions.
I know you've seen all those suggested wedding planning calendars in bridal magazines and online that tell you what you should be doing at 18 and 12 months out. That works just fine for brides and grooms who are booking their vendors by those dates. But as far as getting your actual wedding homework done, that online calendar isn't going to harass you about it. And in my experience, many couples need reminding.
What is wedding homework? You'll only ask that if you've never been married, or it's been too long to remember all the little things you had to do to prepare for your wedding day. It's all the tasks a couple has to do for themselves in order to make their wedding weekend flow smoothly. Yes, there are some tasks that your wedding planner really can't do for you.
Here are the three biggest procrastination problems for most couples:
- Wedding Music – The bride and groom have to choose their wedding songs for the ceremony and reception. Depending on what kind of music they're having, they'll have a list to choose from, or an open spreadsheet to complete with all their favorite tunes. For live acts, music requests are required far in advance of the wedding date, or they have no obligation to learn anything just for you. DJ playlists must be submitted at least a month in advance so that the DJ can review and ask questions. There are always questions because there are so many different versions of the same song.
- Marriage License Paperwork – The wedding couple must complete some very basic forms (it'll be slightly different wherever you're getting married). And they have to gather some paperwork to have on hand at the marriage license office, such as birth certificates, divorce decrees, etc. (again, it depends on WHERE you're getting married – each jurisdiction has slightly different requirements). But frequently, brides and grooms have trouble laying hands on the correct paperwork when they actually need it, so it's best to tackle it and gather everything when you first get the checklist. Otherwise, you're scrambling under-the-gun the week before your wedding.
- Wedding Vows – Unless you're getting married in an established church, you have to write your own wedding ceremony and vows. There are plenty of guides to make it easy, and your wedding planner or minister should give you something to use as well. But actually assembling the ceremony based on those guides and examples is the job of the bride and groom. They know what they want to vow to one another, and they know whether they want their parents to give consent, or skip that part. Couples getting married in their own church still have to choose specific prayers, and other details of the ceremony. But they're less likely to get away with procrastinating when they have a meeting about it with the person marring them at their home parish.
On my first conference call with any new couple, I list out everything my clients have to complete and return to me. They basically get their homework list for the whole school year on Day One. I suggest a timeline of when they should have things completed and returned to me, but I don't name hard deadlines. As soon as we get off the call, I send them all the guides, forms, and additional information that they need to complete the tasks. And then from that day forward, every time I do a conference call with my brides and grooms, I ask them about progress on each and every homework assignment.
Some couples are really on the ball. They start sending me things a week or two after we begin planning. Some couples never send me anything without me asking for it several times. As we near the wedding date, I start giving out hard deadlines for when things are due. Most of what they need to send me is going to be given to another vendor so they can complete their job for the clients.
And then there are my procrastinator brides. I had one client who told me 10 times that she had their wedding ceremony and vows finished, but she kept forgetting to send them to me. I received them a few days ahead of the wedding, so in her head it was all just fine. But her delay forced me to exchange several emails with a frustrated minister, not to mention all the time I spent trying to get the ceremony from her via telephone and email. Then the minister had to rush to review everything so he could send me back his questions about it, and so that I could get answers from the couple before the actual ceremony.
Here's the thing: Wedding vendors do not wait til the last minute to finish preparing for your wedding. Most of us have weddings pretty much finished and "in the can" a month in advance. Why? Because we have several weddings taking place in the interim, and we have to be prepared for thoughtless clients who think it's perfectly okay to put off doing everything they've been assigned for more than a year until a week before their weddings, while we're executing other couples' weddings. It's not a realistic expectation that all we're doing is sitting here waiting for your wedding day with nothing else to do. When a bride misses her deadlines, it sets off a chain reaction that screws with everybody else's schedules.
The irony is that the biggest offenders are the very same brides who are all over my butt with repeated emails asking me what needs to be done next, and when we can talk again and do more planning, because they want to finish everything up. When I get an email like that from a bride, the first thing I do is open their master file and see where everything stands. Have I been neglecting them in any way? If so, I fix that. But chances are that the brides who email me most aggressively for updates are seeking information that is not there. There's nothing to update if you haven't made any freakin decisions!
Decision-making is a real challenge for some brides. I mean, I'm happy to choose your cake flavor, bouquet, and music for you, but that means you have to live with what I chose for your wedding day, and you're probably not going to get your very favorite things that you would have liked to have. I am not a mind-reader. I don't instinctively know how many of your bridal party need hair and makeup appointments on your wedding day if you do not send me a list. I can't stuff and deliver your welcome bags for the out-of-town guests if I do not know where they are staying, and what you want me to put in the bags. Brides and grooms have to make a lot of decisions during the planning process. Procrastinating about those decisions is just as detrimental to the planning as ignoring homework. Your wedding vendors cannot prepare bids and move forward until you can answer the very basic questions they ask you.
If you're a procrastinator, make a resolution not to procrastinate on your wedding decisions and homework. Submitting everything before deadline means that you shouldn't have anything to worry about in the weeks immediately prior to your wedding. You can sit back and enjoy your pre-wedding events without the looming worry about things yet to do. Set yourself up to get the most possible sleep before your wedding, and don't have a big list of last-minute items you plan to tackle after you've finally made it out of your office for your wedding week.
Until next time, happy wedding planning from Sandy Malone Weddings and Events!