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Believe in Yourself: Why You Don't (Yet) and What To Do About It

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Believe in yourself. Traditional success teachers have told us for decades that the key to success is to "believe in yourself." But have you ever noticed that they never tell you HOW to believe in yourself?

When I asked a dear friend, who leads one of the fastest-growing direct sales organizations in the country, "What, in your experience, is the number one thing that holds people back?" she replied without hesitation, "Most people don't believe in themselves. And when you don't believe in yourself, you're not able to handle the rejections you get on the way to success."

Let me ask you a question. When you set your goals, who are you going to? You are going to yourself. Yet, who is often the WORST person to know what you are truly capable of? You. You are usually the least capable person to know what you're truly capable of.

Your Negative Reflection represents the head trash that most of us are carrying around. It's that little voice that says, "You can't do that. Who do you think you are? No one in your family has ever done that!" We all have our own Negative Reflection; but amazingly, that's NOT the real problem.

The real problem is that traditional success teachers have told us, "Well, if you don't believe in yourself, just believe in yourself." That's kind of like saying, "If you want love and support, just go to your worst enemy."

It's not that believing in yourself is wrong. It's just that when they told us to "believe in yourself", they had the order wrong:

The first stage is someone believes in you.
The second stage is you believe in someone else.
The last stage is you believe in yourself.

So what, then, ARE the steps to believe in yourself?

First, find a Loving Mirror - someone who reflects your greatness back to you. While you may think this sounds "touchy-feely", the fact remains that every one of the happy, wealthy people I've studied or coached since 1997 had at least one person who believed in them, even when they didn't believe in themselves. That's why having a Loving Mirror is the sine qua non - the "without which, not" - of success.

To begin to find your Loving Mirrors:

First, Answer these key support questions...

1. What support do I need most in my life right now?

2. Who would I like to give me that support?

3. What's in it for them to support me?

4. What ACTIONS am I willing to take, to get the support I need?

Second, Interview your potential Loving Mirrors. Ask them:

1. What do you get out of me being in your life?

2. What do you see my strengths as being?

3. On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate our relationship?

4. (If anything less than 10) What can I do to make it a 10?

Finally, Acknowledge the important people in your life. List 10 people who've been important to your growth, whether you've ever met them or not. Find their contact information and connect with them. Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter or plain old email - it's easier than ever before to connect with people you never thought you could reach.

Tell them what a difference they've made in your life. But here's the key: don't expect or ask for anything in return, even if you really really want to. Don't ask for a job or referral, even if you just got laid off from your job.

Just tell them, "You've been so important to my life. I was thinking about you today, and I just wanted to thank you for making a difference in my life."

Many audience members in my seminars will ask how I got testimonials from the A-List in my field - why people like Harvey Mackay, Stephen Covey, Jack Canfield, Neale Donald Walsch, Marcia Wieder, Harv Eker and Joe Vitale all endorse my work. This is exactly how I did it - by acknowledging and appreciating them, without expecting anything in return.

Try it. You'll find that the more you believe in others, and let others believe in you, the more you'll automatically believe in yourself. That's not only how to believe in yourself, it's also one of the fastest, easiest ways to enjoy more wealth and happiness without spending a dime.

* * *

Noah St. John, Ph.D. is the author of The Secret Code of Success: 7 Hidden Steps to More Wealth and Happiness (HarperCollins) and founder of

He helps people get rid of the "head trash" that's holding them back and enjoy more wealth, more freedom and more abundance in every area of life and business. For a free book excerpt, visit

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