THE BLOG

Why You Don't Need to Look for the One

Take what you need and leave.

Why are we so obsessed with the notion of finding the one?

With this question bouncing round my head, I recently entered into a "relationship" knowing full well it would not end in the elusive happily ever after.

It wasn't a bad relationship by any means, we just discovered very early on (in fact before we'd even begun) we simply wanted very different futures.

So what's the point in starting if it's not going anywhere?

The only answer I have to this question, I'm afraid to say, is another question -- why does every relationship have to go somewhere?

If you go for a walk and ended up where you started, you're still better off for going on the walk, you still experienced everything on that journey even if you end up back at the beginning.

Now I know life isn't that simple. But convincing yourself there is only one right person for you for the rest of time is, to me, to simplify things beyond comprehension.

So, like a holiday romance, I threw myself in. With an open mind and heart I allowed myself to fall, knowing full well it would soon be over. The liberating thing is once all the pressure of the future is removed you're able to be yourself, no pretending, no hoping, no wishing -- just being.

Now I understand the risk -- if you're spending time with the wrong person you might very well miss out on the opportunity to meet the right person. But what if the wrong person for long term is the perfect person for right now? And maybe by saying no to anything that isn't long term, you're in fact missing out on the great bits, the kind of experiences that make you grow?

So rather than thinking about our future, I found myself asking what can I learn from you right now?

Of course, if the answer was nothing, then walk away -- in fact run away as fast as you can! But the answer I got this time was full of beautiful examples of laughter, confidence, silliness and hope -- all the things I needed right now.

And as our time comes to an end my ego thanks me for this gentle ending, taking comfort in the knowledge that things ended not because he didn't want me, or he wanted someone else more -- it simply ended because the moment was over.

For the whole experience, I am thankful.