Do you ever feel like you missed out on an opportunity because you were afraid to speak up or ask for something you wanted like a raise, more time off or less demands on your plate? And you wonder how other people seem to have it all and be so successful?
If so, read my interview with Susie Moore who talks about confidence, why its important and how to get more of it in order to get ahead in life. She a life coach whose teachings span a global client base and are regularly featured in leading media outlets. Through in-person coaching, online classes and newsletters, she gives clients the tools they need to lead more fulfilling lives and careers.
Q: What do you find are some of the common traits of a confident person?
A: I think that there are two that really stand out in particular for people who are confident and successful.
The first is the language that they use. Language is very important and also very powerful. The language that we use really sets the tone for who we are and how people treat us. If you could look into people’s minds and hear what they are saying to themselves, sometimes its just terrible like: “I am not good enough.” “I am useless at this.” “There’s no way I can do that.“ Confident people don’t speak to themselves like that all the time or nearly as frequently. The language that we use, the way that we speak to ourselves is very important.
The second thing would be confident people focus on what they want. Unlike a lot of people who happen to have low or no self-esteem and are afraid to take risks, they don’t really focus on what it is that could happen if they decided to say yes. They believe that they can do it.
Q: What do you see that people gain from having more confidence?
A: I think that the benefits from confidence are unlimited. If you approach something with the belief that you can do it, it is possible for you. You are capable, you are strong, you are whole, you have courage. If you have this confidence then you are unstoppable. You have more honest relationships because you are confident about what your feelings and asking what you want. You are paid better because you again you ask for it if you’re in a workplace including salary increases. You have better relationships with your friends because you communicate your needs. You say how you feel without feeling bad about yourself. You are okay to say no because you are confident that you know that you are able to make the right decisions and understand when yes and no is appropriate for you. I would say that there is no area in your life that confidence doesn’t impact.
Q: What would be your top three tips to become more confident?
A: There’s a thing in coaching we call the confidence-competence loop which is a gorgeous cycle meaning that when you take action and you prove that you can do something, however small, you feel more confident in taking the next step which definitely makes you more competent for the next step.
The first tip is to get out of your own head, out of analysis paralysis. The way you go about that is by taking action. You wonder whether you should call that person or if you should do this or that? Do it. Decide to take action and do it immediately.
The second thing goes back to my first answer, which is pay attention to the language that you are using. You can actually move your confidence level in an instant by shifting the language, it’s the simplest way to be feel more self-assured.
Thirdly do a quick exercise especially if you need to have a confidence boost before a presentation or before a date or whenever you need to feel good about yourself just think or write down three successes you’ve had in your life. It can be anything, any success, it just has to be meaningful to you.
Kirsi Bhasin helps overachieving, busy professionals overcome exhaustion and burnout and be happier and healthier. She is the creator of The Burnout Test.